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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2chica on January 5, 2006, at 11:52:59
i'm feeling sick.
i don't know how or if to say this but i;ll try.i finally told my T everything i remember (so far) about how 'mother' treated me growing up. some of the things she said or did hurt me, but there were other things that she did that were...'natural' for me. i thought that's what mothers did, or mostly i just didn't think there was anything wrong with what was happening. but i wrote this all out in a three page letter to my T anyway.
when i finally got the guts to let my T read it. he said she was grossly inappropriate at the least, physically and emotionally abusing me with having no boundries between her and i-that i was an extension of her and she was getting pleasure from that, and that what she was doing was sexual abuse and that if she were doing that today that she would be locked up for it.
i was numb when i left session last week and tues. we didn't really discuss it much. the other times she was hurting me and i didn't like it but didn't think anything of it, didn't think that it was wrong or anything.
today, i need to tell him, that, well. i think i might have encouraged it or something cuz...i well, think i liked it. i know i sound sick...but what she did felt comforting at times, like she cared about me. am i sick? is this wrong?
where can i find information about mothers abusing their daughters? is this for real? do mothers do this?
could i have over exaggerated? are these memories for real? they won't go away now.
and now i can't stand taking a shower. i absolutely hate it. it's always been a little bad but the last few months have been getting worse and now, the only reason i hate getting out of bed is because i have to take a shower. what should i do?i think i need some babble advice or at least comforting words. i feel so terribly wrong. if i weren't pumped up on so many drugs i think i'd be suicidal.
i have to tell him. i must. but i feel so degraded, i feel like slime, like i'm an offender by, god help me, having liked it.
Posted by sleepygirl on January 5, 2006, at 13:30:05
In reply to sick mothers **Trigger**, posted by B2chica on January 5, 2006, at 11:52:59
children crave contact, and we also respond physically whether we like it or not
One of the worst things about abuse is the betrayal of trust, the warped intimacy that makes you question everything. Children learn what they live, they CAN'T know anything else (but later somehow they think they should have)
I'm sorry you're going through this. Take good care of yourself and please don't blame yourself.
Posted by zenhussy on January 5, 2006, at 15:21:09
In reply to sick mothers **Trigger**, posted by B2chica on January 5, 2006, at 11:52:59
B2,
have left msg for friend who knows title of book that addresses specifically what you are looking for. this book provided huge help for this friend due to the very things you mention. this friend didn't feel so freakish after reading this book. we're glad that material are available to help folks heal.
we'll post as soon as we hear back.
__zh
Posted by daisym on January 5, 2006, at 15:26:21
In reply to sick mothers **Trigger**, posted by B2chica on January 5, 2006, at 11:52:59
I think you need to untangle the thread of "liked being close to mom" and "liked" whatever it was she was doing. I think it is important to keep the time and place in mind, things that were done back then feel very wrong to us now. I'm not saying they weren't, I just want you to keep it in mind.
I know this is easier said than done. I'm struggling with this myself right now. Body response feels like a betrayal, not hating them back then feels stupid and looking for closeness that included touch feels like helping initiate things.
My therapist said, "it is always the adults job to keep things together and appropriate. You weren't the adult." I felt like one though...
Hang in there. I hope today went OK.
Posted by zenhussy on January 5, 2006, at 18:09:37
In reply to sick mothers **Trigger**, posted by B2chica on January 5, 2006, at 11:52:59
Female Sexual Abuse of Children edited by Michael Elliott
ISBN 0 89862-004-X
some other resources specifically about mothers can be found on this site: http://www.menstuff.org/books/byissue/mothers-general.html
advisors of the main site that book list is on http://www.menstuff.org/advisors/advisors.html
hth
Posted by ghost on January 5, 2006, at 21:26:04
In reply to sick mothers **Trigger**, posted by B2chica on January 5, 2006, at 11:52:59
b2c,
i love you. you're not sick or dirty or any of that.
forgive me for comparing you to an animal, but reading your post made me think of a kitten. an abused kitten. babies/baby animals just want to be loved. it's in their nature, it's all they really want. love (which is usually provided in the form of nourishment and shelter and other forms of caring and taking care of something or someone). however, what they experience early on is all they know. they don't know what the "right" kind of love is or recognise the "wrong" kind of love when they experience it. all they know is they need and want love, and what their mothers give them must be love, because a mother wouldn't give anything else, right?
you like(d) it not because you're sick or perverted, but because that's how your mother showed you love, and love is what you needed. your mother is also a sick b@st@rd who deserves to have the sh@t kicked out of her, but YOU are the victim here. YOU did not know this is wrong. YOU just wanted to be loved. you took what you could get because you did not know what you were getting was wrong. you are NOT AT FAULT HERE.
sorry for being so strongly worded. and for giving my two cents. but i really believe this is the case.
take care of yourself. remember that i (and we) love you here.
love,
ghost
Posted by muffled on January 5, 2006, at 23:47:49
In reply to sick mothers **Trigger**, posted by B2chica on January 5, 2006, at 11:52:59
Ah, B2chica, sorry its so hard for you right now. I sure admire your strength. Your T sounds very good.
I don't think any of your reactions to stuff going on seem strange. I got kids and I can understand how kids can think. You gotta understand kids view of the world is very small, only what they know from whats around them. So hows a kid to know? If something feels good why not? If their 'mom' is doing it, it must be ok. My daughter is totally uninhibited, and to me, its my job to teach her the boundaries of appropriate behavior. Not encourage it, not ignore it. Cuz she DON'T know. She's not bad, she's curious.
So y'know. I think you a real nice person that got a rough start in life, and is now working real hard to get herself back on track.
I admire you.
Muffled
Posted by B2chica on January 6, 2006, at 9:02:59
In reply to Re: sick mothers **Trigger** » B2chica, posted by ghost on January 5, 2006, at 21:26:04
> b2c,
> i love you. you're not sick or dirty or any of that.thank you for that ghost. i think i needed that. i did write stuff down and told T yesterday. he said pretty much the same thing as you all here did. that i wasn't the adult and that SHE needed to create boundries. i had to keep asking him though that is what she did Really Wrong?? it felt so natural, like that's just how things worked. he said if she were to get caught now that she would have been arrested and probably needed a psych eval, that she would have lost custody of me. he said she is a psychopathic 'mother'. i really need to keep hearing this. he was very sure about what he was saying, not wavering even a little bit.
i need to understand what is right and what is wrong. i hate this cuz i'm 32 and should know stuff like this right? well i guess at least i'm learning now.thanks all
b2c.
Posted by B2chica on January 6, 2006, at 9:03:43
In reply to Re: sick mothers **Trigger**--book info » B2chica, posted by zenhussy on January 5, 2006, at 18:09:37
Posted by happyflower on January 6, 2006, at 15:19:09
In reply to thnx for the book info Zen! (nm) » zenhussy, posted by B2chica on January 6, 2006, at 9:03:43
(((B2))) I agree with what ghost has posted, right now my mind is too clogged to even come close to the good advice she had. It was even hard to read your story, it must feel really painful to know this.
You know when you are a child who has an abuser for a parent, you really want to be loved, and "sexual touch" does feel good,and feels like love, even if it is inapporpiate relationship.( you didn't know that, but your mom should have) You were a child, it is your mother who took advantage of you, and your innocence of being a child. Your feelings you were having were natural response to touch. The touch you received was wrong, but not your feelings. You can't control your feelings, as my T would say.
B2 is sounds like you are doing good work.
Posted by ghost on January 7, 2006, at 10:38:11
In reply to Re: sick mothers **Trigger** » ghost, posted by B2chica on January 6, 2006, at 9:02:59
it's not your fault you're learning late, you know. it's really just fine. there's nothing wrong with you because of it.
love,
ghost
Posted by wildcard on January 8, 2006, at 10:44:01
In reply to sick mothers **Trigger**, posted by B2chica on January 5, 2006, at 11:52:59
I have a pretty good idea of how you feel, just know you are not alone. I'm always here as I've been there. (((Big Hugs)))
Posted by B2chica on January 9, 2006, at 9:26:18
In reply to You're not alone » B2chica, posted by wildcard on January 8, 2006, at 10:44:01
Posted by wildcard on January 9, 2006, at 9:34:26
In reply to thank you. (nm) » wildcard, posted by B2chica on January 9, 2006, at 9:26:18
This is the end of the thread.
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