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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on July 18, 2007, at 8:45:48
I am so worried.... for no good reason. I asked my T to call me today, but I'm kind of unavailable most of the day, so I said he could leave a message. And then I called back and apologized profusely for bothering him and said I understood if he didn't want to call me back.
In our session yesterday at one little point I said, "My last T was really expensive," and he said, "You know you're getting a bargain here, right?" I said, "Yeah," and he said, "But I'm ok with it." It has me super freaked out that he really wants more money, and I think I may have to offer to pay more, even though he's been ok with this fee for two summers now (during the school year I pay the agency he works for).
And I got scared that I'm a disappointment to him, and that I'm not moving fast enough because he said that he didn't think it was the right time for my mom to come to a session because I'm still feeling dependant on her (and rightly so, he said) and that I'm still scared of her. And he meant it because he didn't want there to be negative repercussions or for me to get punished, but I got freaked out.
Ugghhh.... I need therapy for therapy.
sunnydays
Posted by LadyBug on July 18, 2007, at 10:11:42
In reply to ugggh..... T stuff, posted by sunnydays on July 18, 2007, at 8:45:48
I've said many times that I need therapy for therapy! It seems to be true at times. I know I'd be worried too by what he said to you. But only you can figure it out with him in talking to him. It's too hard to figure it out by yourself so I hope you can talk to him soon.
LadyBug
Posted by sunnydays on July 18, 2007, at 14:52:18
In reply to Re: ugggh..... T stuff » sunnydays, posted by LadyBug on July 18, 2007, at 10:11:42
But I don't wanna talk to him.... I hate talking about things I get upset about. It feels even more like he'll leave.
Double ugggh.
sunnydays
Posted by DAisym on July 18, 2007, at 15:51:19
In reply to Re: ugggh..... T stuff » LadyBug, posted by sunnydays on July 18, 2007, at 14:52:18
I think you need to walk yourself back in a different way. Ask yourself:
Do you think your therapist can take care of himself? If so, do you really think he'd do something that he regretted and not bring it up? If he needed to charge you more, I bet he would.Do you think he goes soft on you because he thinks you can't take it? I'm willing to be that he would challenge your thinking here and ask if he has done something to make you think he wants out of this relationship.
Sometimes a joke is just a joke, and it sounds like a light, warm remark, "getting a bargain." :) I worry all the time about all my therapist's remarks. I do, so I can understand the fears you are expressing. I make huge mountains out of mole hills. But around things like fees, I trust that he will do what he needs to. My job is to show up, be honest and pay him what he charges me.
I wish it wasn't so hard for you (and me) to just believe them when they say, "I won't leave."
Posted by sunnydays on July 18, 2007, at 17:50:58
In reply to Re: ugggh..... T stuff » sunnydays, posted by DAisym on July 18, 2007, at 15:51:19
Thanks Daisy. What you said was just perfect.
My T called me this afternoon. He always seems to know the perfect thing to say to me. I didn't even have to bring up what he said because I was totally put at ease by what he said. He said, "You can count on me that I'm never going to get mad at you. You can call or email me, and I'm not going to get sick of you. You never bother me. My availability will be different sometimes, and then maybe I'll be confused while I try to figure out what to do. But I can handle confused, it's a familiar feeling for me (and it is for him, he's awfully disorganized). But I'm not going to get mad at you. You're ok."
God I love him.
sunnydays
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 18, 2007, at 18:12:11
In reply to Re: ugggh..... T stuff » DAisym, posted by sunnydays on July 18, 2007, at 17:50:58
What perfect things to say to you, SD. Let's book his flight for the T conference right now. :-)
I'm so glad he could make it all better for you.
Posted by DAisym on July 18, 2007, at 19:05:19
In reply to Re: ugggh..... T stuff » DAisym, posted by sunnydays on July 18, 2007, at 17:50:58
I'm glad I could help and I'm so glad he called back and said all the right things.
You know what though? Even if he did get mad at you, that doesn't mean he is mad forever. And he won't hurt you with his anger. I'm still terrified when my therapist seems mad or gets annoyed with me (which he admits) but he tells me: "these are normal feelings within relationships. We will work it out. We always have and hopefully you will eventually trust our track record." Scary - but somehow, for me, easier to believe than "never" because I know that lately I've been pushing him, trying to MAKE him mad at me. So if I succeed, I'm glad he won't leave in his anger.
Just a thought (or two.) :)
Posted by Dinah on July 18, 2007, at 20:01:49
In reply to Re: ugggh..... T stuff » DAisym, posted by sunnydays on July 18, 2007, at 17:50:58
Maybe reaching out and having him respond will be just what you needed.
Posted by sunnydays on July 18, 2007, at 20:50:57
In reply to Re: ugggh..... T stuff » sunnydays, posted by DAisym on July 18, 2007, at 19:05:19
Well, right now I need to trust the never. And I do. He's told me he doesn't think he's ever gotten angry at any client before. It is so amazing that just hearing his voice calms me so much. I still have this lingering sadness, but I'm so much calmer having heard this. He's so right that he embodies this "Everything's going to be ok" feeling for me.
sunnydays
Posted by JoniS on July 19, 2007, at 8:54:19
In reply to Re: ugggh..... T stuff » DAisym, posted by sunnydays on July 18, 2007, at 17:50:58
>
> My T called me this afternoon. He always seems to know the perfect thing to say to me. I didn't even have to bring up what he said because I was totally put at ease by what he said. He said, "You can count on me that I'm never going to get mad at you. You can call or email me, and I'm not going to get sick of you. You never bother me. My availability will be different sometimes, and then maybe I'll be confused while I try to figure out what to do. But I can handle confused, it's a familiar feeling for me (and it is for him, he's awfully disorganized). But I'm not going to get mad at you. You're ok."
>
> God I love him.****I'm happy for you. How awesome! I love my T too, but today I want yours! Where is he? ;)
Joni
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