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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by slugdoo on July 21, 2007, at 21:58:23
I guess my name should be trigger because it seem like all my post have been triggers lately.
Growing up do you remember feeling so lonely and unloved that you wanted to run away or die? Just like you didn't matter to anyone ever. I remember feeling that at even 4 or 5.
Now I feel the same because I feel unwanted by others and feel like nobody really cares about me. I feel so alone going through all of these memories. I just want to cry on someone's shoulder but I don't know anyone well enough to do that.I have read some more books.
Emotional Healing by David Grand. More about EMDR, from a psychanaylist view. Good stories in there, don't agree with the warp speed of healing though. But he explains on why you shouldn't do EMDR on yourself.
Bipolar Kids by Rosalie Greenburg
Interesting book about kids with this disorder. I think maybe my brother had this and not just ADHD. Good point about actually talking to the child what is wrong and not just the parents because kids are usually very to the point and truthful. My T is reading this book too.
It's a new one.I am part way throught Facing the Wolf-Inside the process of deep feeling therapy by Theresa Sheppard Alexander. Very had book to read because I am in tears for most of it. It has to deal with adults who were abused as adults and how we weren't allowed to feel. This kind of therapy lets that happen, lets down the defensess that have been built up. The therapist talks about her own story and her clients stories too. Some of the stories I can relate to so much it is difficult to read.
I guess I am on a reading kick lately. I guess I am trying to keep my mind busy, but all I can do is think about the memories. They are losing their intensitiy. I don't know if it is because I am self-flooding myself and they are losing their power, or if I am pushing down the feelings from the memories. I have some weird memories that I am not sure what the signifigance is .
One I remember spending the night with a friend(2nd grade) and she had all this different stuff in her house. I found out later she was Jewish and my parents wouldn't let me spend the night with her again.
Then another memory same time period. I had another friend who I spent the night with over New Years Eve. Well that night we did an all night skate and when they blew a whistle on the slow songs, we were suppose to kiss each other. Well my friend was doing this, kissing on the lips and everything. And I remember her purposely showing her dad this, telling him to look. That was kinda of weird, especially at 2nd grade. When my parents found out that I spent the night with a divorsed dad, I wasn't allowed to spend the night with this friend either.
I am not sure if any of this means anything or is just a memory of nothing really.Plus I am having some very sexual dreams, but they do feel good, not like a bad dream. But they seem VERY real to me. I don't know any of the men though.
Posted by muffled on July 21, 2007, at 23:19:59
In reply to Wanting to run away *trigger* misc. sh*t too, posted by slugdoo on July 21, 2007, at 21:58:23
> Growing up do you remember feeling so lonely and unloved that you wanted to run away or die? Just like you didn't matter to anyone ever. I remember feeling that at even 4 or 5.
*I don't remember much, and this is why I glad I don't. Sorry you had to feel that way :-(
> Now I feel the same because I feel unwanted by others and feel like nobody really cares about me. I feel so alone going through all of these memories. I just want to cry on someone's shoulder but I don't know anyone well enough to do that.**yeah, you likable SD, but I guess we kinda push people away somehow...
> I guess I am on a reading kick lately. I guess I am trying to keep my mind busy, but all I can do is think about the memories. They are losing their intensitiy. I don't know if it is because I am self-flooding myself and they are losing their power, or if I am pushing down the feelings from the memories. I have some weird memories that I am not sure what the signifigance is .**Well I glad memories losing intensity. My T says when memories are exposed to light of day, they lose some of their power...
> I am not sure if any of this means anything or is just a memory of nothing really.**Dunno???
> Plus I am having some very sexual dreams, but they do feel good, not like a bad dream. But they seem VERY real to me. I don't know any of the men though.
**Hmmmmm sex dreams. And nice ones. Well that sounds OK :-)
Take care doo girl.
Muffled
Posted by slugdoo on July 22, 2007, at 8:55:03
In reply to Hmmmmmm » slugdoo, posted by muffled on July 21, 2007, at 23:19:59
Thanks Muffy for responding, sometimes I feel so alone here on Babble lately, so I really appreciate you saying something to me. I am going through some stuff that is for sure, and just want to share it, or just get it out of my mind. I am glad it is Sunday, it is closer to Tuesday. I am really needing my T so much, I am not so afraid now, I just need to see him and it frickin hurts I can't, he isn't even in the US. I never needed to call him on his vacation,but I if I did this time, he isn't available. I just want to give him a hug, I just need to connect. I am so sad right now, I need to see his eyes. I made it through most of the week of feeling connected to him , and now I feel I am losing that feelings some.
My kids are both sick right now, my DH is out of town, and I am trying so hard to keep it together but the string is getting tighter and I feel like it is going to break.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 22, 2007, at 14:18:01
In reply to Re: Hmmmmmm » muffled, posted by slugdoo on July 22, 2007, at 8:55:03
Hi Doo,
I'm sorry that I cannot read or respond to many of your posts right now. I know you're in a bad place, memory-wise. I'm in a bad place too, and triggers are magnified hundred-fold.I appreciate having the trigger warnings, because I cannot read those posts. I'm so sorry you feel alone on babble. I was worried about you a lot, but often I can't get through your posts and I shut down a little bit.
please take care of yourself. Even if I can't share your feelings right now, it's important to express them anyhow. There are people reading, even if they're not responding.
be nice to my slugdoo,
fondly,
-Ll
Posted by slugdoo on July 22, 2007, at 14:25:10
In reply to Re: Hmmmmmm » slugdoo, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 22, 2007, at 14:18:01
It is okay Llurpsie, I know there are a lot of common stuff from our backgrounds, I sometimes have trouble reading your posts too. But I appreciate you reaching out, that means a lot.
Posted by LadyBug on July 22, 2007, at 15:43:19
In reply to Wanting to run away *trigger* misc. sh*t too, posted by slugdoo on July 21, 2007, at 21:58:23
(((((slugdoo)))))
I don't want you to feel like no one replies to your post. I know you're going through a difficult time and I want you to know how much I care. I really do. I read, but don't often post because I'm in a very difficult place myself and feel so negative all the time it's hard to come up with anything that sounds worth while. I'm so sorry I don't have anything profound to say.My life is falling apart in many ways including my physical self. I don't want to turn this post into talking about myself. I have upped my medication for depression and hope it kicks in soon.
Sorry my thoughts are bouncing all over the place!!!
I'm glad you have your T in your life. I know what it feels like to have your T out of the USA. Mines been gone for 4 weeks. She is suppose to come home today and will be back in her office on Wed. this week. I see her on Thurs. I had a really hard time while she was gone, especially one night a few weeks ago.
I wish I knew what to stay to you to help. Can I send you a hug and tell you to keep on trying and I hope this passes, that things return to where you are doing better? I wish I could take you out for an iced Latte, we could chat about our lives. How they compare, how we cope, what we can do to survive the pain of it all. I wish I had a friend to do that with.
So many things aren't working out for me right now. I wonder if they EVER will, I want to give up, too many things hurt right now. I know it's hard to find things that are worth fighting for when we feel so down.
What can I do for you? Tell you how special you are, you are an amazing person that has overcome so much in your life. It's hard to grow when we have things in our past to deal with. I don't know about some of the stuff you deal with. I know of my own demons and they are hard enough.
I want to run away all the time, I've done that all my life!!!! When I was young, under 5, I had a little suitcase that I'd pack with my stuff. I'd build a hut and pretended to go to China. In my small mind, it was the farthest place I could escape to so the pain would go away.
So do you want to go to China with me. We could go somewhere else if you want. But I'm ready to go, today!
Hugs and caring for you always~~~
LadyBug
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 22, 2007, at 19:02:42
In reply to Wanting to run away *trigger* misc. sh*t too, posted by slugdoo on July 21, 2007, at 21:58:23
Been there, done that -- am partially there right now. I'm sorry it's so tough for you.
The books sound helpful and difficult at the same time. I assume you know when you've had enough and can step away from it for a while and catch your breath? Because it seems like that would be good.
Facing the Wolf Inside sounds interesting. I'm going to look into it for myself. I'm feeling like I have one more huge challenge to tackle in therapy before my T retires and I'm having a hard time getting there.
Hope it gets better for you this week with your T back in town. Will you do EMDR again this week or will you just process what happened last time?
Take care of yourself, okay?
Posted by JoniS on July 23, 2007, at 7:25:21
In reply to Wanting to run away *trigger* misc. sh*t too, posted by slugdoo on July 21, 2007, at 21:58:23
Doo
Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and hoping for better days for you. I can relate to your wanting to run away. I came really close to buying a one way ticket to the beach a while back.I was deep in depression and feeling alone, not believing I could ever accept my situation. Now the urge isn't so great, but it does pop into my head now and then.
I am sure you are pressed from all directions with your kids being sick an DH away adding to your stress.
I hope you can do something to take care of you. That seems to help me. I'll be thinking of you and reading your posts.
Joni
Posted by sunnydays on July 24, 2007, at 21:33:54
In reply to Wanting to run away *trigger* misc. sh*t too, posted by slugdoo on July 21, 2007, at 21:58:23
> I guess my name should be trigger because it seem like all my post have been triggers lately.
>**** No.... you're allowed to post whatever you want (within site guidelines of course). People are responsible for keeping themselves safe.
> Growing up do you remember feeling so lonely and unloved that you wanted to run away or die?**** Sort of. I always made it so that my parents would die in a horrible tragedy or something so that I could go live with someone else and be cared for.
Just like you didn't matter to anyone ever. I remember feeling that at even 4 or 5.
**** I'm so so sorry you felt that way. No little kid should ever be made to feel like that.
> Now I feel the same because I feel unwanted by others and feel like nobody really cares about me. I feel so alone going through all of these memories. I just want to cry on someone's shoulder but I don't know anyone well enough to do that.**** ((((((SL)))))) I'm sorry.
> I guess I am on a reading kick lately. I guess I am trying to keep my mind busy, but all I can do is think about the memories. They are losing their intensitiy. I don't know if it is because I am self-flooding myself and they are losing their power, or if I am pushing down the feelings from the memories. I have some weird memories that I am not sure what the signifigance is .
>**** I don't know. I get that feeling sometimes, where if I think about something I start feeling sort of dead inside so the feelings lose their intensity. Is that what you're feeling? Maybe you're dissociating some from the intensity of the emotions, which is a perfectly normal thing to do to protect yourself from being overwhelmed.
Sorry you're having memories. Those can be so hard, even if we don't know if they're important.
sunnydays
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