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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on July 30, 2008, at 23:03:56
I got another short letter in the mail today from my T. BUT..................I'm going to bed.
I'm exhausted and I'll write about it tomorrow. It's nothing too much but I'm confused as to what I want to do now. Da** why is she retiring, it makes me feel like I'm forced to go back to see her because if I don't, I can't!!!!!!!
My heart hurts............not just about therapy and my T but because all I've been through this year. I had a very scary night last Friday night and it's the closest I've ever come to doing something to end my pain. I scared myself and my kids. I can't get into that place! I'm afraid. My oldest daughter told me if I ever did that it would hurt her more than all the things put together that her Dad has done to us. It keeps me hanging on for now. I don't know who I'd call. For sure not my T and the APRN I see, I don't know her well enough yet.
Don't worry about me, I'm ok for the time being.LadyBug
Posted by antigua3 on July 31, 2008, at 7:11:13
In reply to Received another letter from my T today~~trigger., posted by LadyBug on July 30, 2008, at 23:03:56
Please take care of yourself, LadyBug. Your children need you, and this will pass. It may take time, but hold onto that belief. It keeps me going, remembering this.
antigua
Posted by Dinah on July 31, 2008, at 11:01:32
In reply to Received another letter from my T today~~trigger., posted by LadyBug on July 30, 2008, at 23:03:56
((((Ladybug))))
Posted by LadyBug on July 31, 2008, at 23:23:22
In reply to Received another letter from my T today~~trigger., posted by LadyBug on July 30, 2008, at 23:03:56
I sent my T another letter a few weeks ago.
I expressed to her that I didn't want my therapy to end in the way that is has and that it would affect me in a negative way for the rest of my life if I didn't have closure. I said I missed her but was afraid if I saw her she would hurt me more. I asked her why she turned on my at the lowest and darkest time in my life. I was already heartbroken and so low I couldn't sink any lower.
I told her she got her way in the end. She won. I haven't left her any voice mails and I was standing on my own without her help. I also said that what I need help with now is the pain she inflicted upon me when I was already low.
I also thanked her for letting me know of her upcoming absences and of her retirement and I offered my sincere congratulations to her.
Ok, I didn't expect to hear from her at all. But I did get a short note in the mail yesterday.
The bottom line is she said she had gotten my letter expressing my conflict of feelings about what to do about therapy. She also mentioned my ambivalence about being hurt more if I did see her.Her responce to me was;
"As with life, there is both good and bad in therapy.
I am hear to see you if you'd like to make an appointment until the end of the year."
I've thought all day about this and what my feelings are. I could just say, screw it, and never go back and never contact her again. Or I could write her another letter and tell her EXACTLY why she hurt me and how it made me feel, then make an appointment and go see her. Do I want to see her one time, or more??????I've thought of a parting gift to give to her,(if I was to go see her) she doesn't accept gifts but maybe she would because of the circumstances.
I found a neat pendant online with some real flowers inside a crystal thing. They are "Forget Me Not" flowers. I could have a card made to match it and write in it something about our work together etc. I could choose to have a message put on the pendant, or just leave it plain. Her name, or something like "I will forget you not"
I don't know. Why and I trying to be nice to her after what she did to me????????? Why do I even want to be the one to be nice when she hasn't even so much as apologized in any sort of way. In her eyes, she did nothing wrong!!!! Of course not, I'm always wrong, she's always got it figured out and she knows everything because she's so smart and trained etc.
Still thinking.................
it helps to type it out and look at it with your thoughts as well.
Thanks
LadyBug
Posted by Lemonaide on August 2, 2008, at 22:26:28
In reply to Re: Received another letter from my T, posted by LadyBug on July 31, 2008, at 23:23:22
((((Ladybug))))
Boy her last letter was sort of numb sounding and cold compared to how she was in the good times of therapy.
I would love to see a picture of the necklace it sounds beautiful and so symbolic. But... I am too sort of confused why you want to give her anything right now with the way things have happened and the way she has hurt you. Is it because she is retiring?
All I know if it was my old T, I would find a clear glass paperweight with a pile of sh*t inside and his named engraved on it. But that is me.
Keep in touch, things are going crazy for me right now, but I still love to hear from you.
Posted by rskontos on August 4, 2008, at 12:40:57
In reply to Re: Received another letter from my T, posted by LadyBug on July 31, 2008, at 23:23:22
Ladybug,
I know all the hardships you've endured this past year. And for my thoughts on this is this. She is telling you that you might not get the closure you want because life and therapy is just that way. She is warning you in a way that she isn't anyone but a human flawed just like all humans so it might be that you go one more time and it works out and it might not.
I know how you feel. A past relationship with someone ended badly for me too. I thought we would be friends always. He turned on me, it ended badly and never have I reconciled this relationship. And it often pops up in my mind and I replay a scene of how it might go should I meet up with him. But that never happens and life goes on. He really hurt me. But I too go on. So what I am trying to say that is what therapy is about sometimes. Dealing with relationships that don't work out and moving forward. And sometimes closure happens and sometimes it doesn't. And we must be strong enough to move on and keep our wits about us to remember the real priorities in life. You and your dear daughters. Not her and her life. Which was always borrowed and only a slice of her life anyway. You know what I mean. I mean how well do we know our T's and how well should we for our sakes. Now i know you have a long relationship with her but it still was not like the real ones you have with your daughters. Hang on to them and gently remind yourself you are and have been letting her go and it is ok. You will be great on your own.
you are doing great Ladybug. I believe in you.
rsk
Posted by LadyBug on August 5, 2008, at 9:25:02
In reply to Re: Received another letter from my T » LadyBug, posted by Lemonaide on August 2, 2008, at 22:26:28
Thanks for the hug and the thoughts. I am thinking about this.........why would I want to give her something? After the crap she's put me through the past 5 months? You are right. I always think I need to make things right. I'm sure I've been a burden to her and she's glad to be rid of me.
Posted by LadyBug on August 5, 2008, at 9:29:54
In reply to Re: Received another letter from my T » LadyBug, posted by rskontos on August 4, 2008, at 12:40:57
Thanks rsk
I am hanging on to my daughters right now, they might not realize it but I am. I'm pretty sure they know I need them more than usual.
My daughters T even called and left me a voice mail the other day. He is concerned for me and told me to call him on his cell phone. He wants to find me some help. That's pretty good, my own T doesn't offer to help me..........in a sincere way that is. But my daughters T does?
I want some answers and in reading your post and what you went through, you are right, I may never get the answers I need now. It's too bad and probably too late. It is going to end no matter if I go back or not. Why figure it out. Let it go. Being angry won't hurt her, it will hurt me.
LadyBug
Posted by rskontos on August 5, 2008, at 16:49:47
In reply to Re: Received another letter from my T » rskontos, posted by LadyBug on August 5, 2008, at 9:29:54
So true Ladybug, sometimes the answer isn't the one you want and then again a no answer really can be an answer. I hope that made sense. I am sorry you are going through this but it seems sad but true that the end of the road with your T is here and is not the way I am sure you thought it would ever be. That is a big shame on her part. And not professional if you ask me!!
But you will be the better for it as I know that you have weathered so much and you are slowly getting better.
I am impressed by your daughter's T that he called. So good ones are in your area. Maybe he can recommend someone for you.
take care sweetie and you really deserve some peace and a brighter tomorrow and future. I am praying for you my friend.
rsk
Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2008, at 21:04:47
In reply to Re: Received another letter from my T, posted by LadyBug on July 31, 2008, at 23:23:22
It sounds as if she's not going to give you the validation you need as far how she hurt you at the end. If you return to her for that reason, you may well be disappointed and leave far angry than if you had not gone.
I intend to hate my therapist forever and ever if he terminates me, or retires, or dies or something to abandon me. So I am a complete hypocrite to write this, but...
She meant a lot to you over the years. She went way out of her way for you in ways that many therapists would not. In the end, as she faced retirement, she may have wondered if she did you a disservice. Or she may have had other reasons. You may never know, and that s*cks. The lest you deserve is to know. But, apart from that, she was someone important to you. I think that if I were not planning to hate my therapist forever and ever for abandoning me, I'd likely want to see him one more time to acknowledge all of that. To thank him for being all that he had been for me, all that time. And to maybe put the anger I felt for him at the end into the context of the rest of the relationship.
She said she loved you. She acted as if she loved you. I think she loved you, as best she could under the circumstances. I doubt she's happy to be rid of you. She may be full of tension and maybe even angry about the last few sessions, just as you are. But that doesn't mean she didn't care about you.
If I wasn't going to hate him forever and ever for abandoning me, I'd take the lead. I'd bend my pride and leave aside my anger. And I'd have that moment that could balance my memories of the past months. I would tell him I loved him very much, and he was a good enough therapist/mommy.
But I am going to hate him forever and ever if he abandons me, so it would be hypocritical of me to urge that you do anything else.
This is the end of the thread.
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