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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AMD on March 12, 2005, at 2:45:28
After two years of abstinence from cocaine and alcohol, I've slipped twice in the past two weeks with a five-six hour binge. Have I just undone two years of recovery (from a recreation habit of once-to-twice weekly use)?
I went out Wednesday night, drank too much (not exactly to the point of blackout, but I was certainly trashed), and did who-knows how much cocaine.
Well, after two days of severe depression, I'm sitting here in bed feeling so bad, freaking out over my brain and thinking I'll be mentally retarded for the rest of my life, unable to concentrate and depressed. God, can two uses of heavy cocaine do this?
Maybe I OD'd? Would I know it if it'd happened?
I have a horrible headache, too, but I wonder if that is from slight caffeine withdrawl.
I want to quit this now, and I'm so disappointed in myself. Yet I'm freaking out here that I'm about to have a spontaneous stroke or something, or that my brain, despite not taking the drug, is slowly tearing itself apart inside. Am I recovering right now, just by quitting the drug. Is this the best course? Should I go to the hospital or something? I just feel tired and depressed, but I'm so freaked out.
Can two binges cause permanent damage? Is there anything I can take to help me "wake up" from this?
I'm scared too that it was cut with something. Cyanide? Amphetamines? Ugh -- I heard the latter is extremely bad for you. Am I going to recover?
Dammit -- is my nose going to start bleeding regularly now?
I hate drugs and alcohol, and yet my memory seems to erase all the bad times and make me think I can take them again. Ugh.
Yes I'm rambling here -- I feel horrid and don't want to review before posting this. God, even my writing is out of control. I'm usually quite organized and logical. Oh no! Is that gone now? :-(
I'm already on Celexa and Lamictal for Bipolar II, and I've been popping a Geodon once a day for three days thinking this might help calm me, but it doesn't seem to be working.
I'm going back to bed.
Help!
amd
Posted by Impermanence on March 12, 2005, at 5:11:12
In reply to Am I Beyond Recovery?, posted by AMD on March 12, 2005, at 2:45:28
First of all AMD relax, its not the end of the world. You're going through withdrawals and you're paranoid and freaking out. It's likely the coke was cut with amphetamines which is not uncommon and would explain the persisting comedown. Coke is never cut with cyanide, for if it was you would have died instantly, the drugs market is all about making money and killing your costomers with cyanide is not very profitable!!!
The best thing you can do right now is rest, drink plenty of fluids and maybe get some decent food into you. You should be fine in a day or two. The worst thing you could do is go on another binge to feel better, thats asking for trouble and another two year habit. I'd advise you to talk to someone. Most people fall off the wagon now and again, it's no big deal unless you make it a big deal so just get back on the wagon. Keeping this to yourself is a sign that inside you secretly don't want to give up the opportunity to get another few grams up your hoover!!! It's your choice, nobody can stop you but talking to family or a professional shows you think you really did make a mistake and you want to learn from it.
My God cocaine is morish, its in a few days when you're back to normal that you'll have to really watch yourself. Believe me it's not worth it, talk to someone man and look after yourself. Whatever you choose, good luck.
Posted by AMD on March 12, 2005, at 17:46:31
In reply to Re: Am I Beyond Recovery? » AMD, posted by Impermanence on March 12, 2005, at 5:11:12
Thanks for your words of support. It's been about 60 hours, and I've heard it can take up to 72 or 96 hours to get back to normal. Plus I have bipolar II, which I'm sure isn't helping matters.
Btw, the amphetamines. I'm scared to death of those. Is it possible that one-time use of those would cause the permanent damage I've read about in research journals (killing off dopamine cells, etc.)?
Again, thanks for your words of advice. I'll try to relax and be hopeful that this is temporary.
amd
Posted by thinkfast on March 13, 2005, at 22:27:51
In reply to Re: Am I Beyond Recovery? » Impermanence, posted by AMD on March 12, 2005, at 17:46:31
I'm still here AMD, and I've done more meth than I care to admit. I know people who have done a LOT more than me, and they have no longterm effects.
Posted by AMD on April 24, 2005, at 17:20:21
In reply to Re: Am I Beyond Recovery?, posted by thinkfast on March 13, 2005, at 22:27:51
Folks,
I'm always reading about "long term" "heavy," "moderate," or "recreational use" of cocaine but rarely are these terms quantified. Anyone have the details of what exactly each of these is defined as in the literature?
I've done cocaine (~gram each time) five times over 9 weeks, and I'm wondering if this would be enough to effect permanent changes to brain neurotransmitter levels and/or makeup. All times I was also drinking heavily.
I am on hour ~90 post my last binge, and I am feeling unable to concentrate (as usual). I know it's just a waiting game, but I always have that feeling that this time I did it, this time is the one I won't recover from. But given my level each time, is this realistic? Am I freaking out over what might constitute recreational or very light use (at least if I were to stop now, which, unfortunately, I'm having trouble doing).
I am sooooo spaced out today. I feel depressed, unable to focus, just horrid.
As usual, thanks.
amd
This is the end of the thread.
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