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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Estella on July 30, 2006, at 8:52:20
:-O
I've been smoking (maybe 30 a day) for the last 14 years. Didn't start at 30 a day, but I smoke a lot, I guess. I've been thinking about giving up for a while... But thinking about it makes me feel anxious and when I feel anxious I cope with the anxiety by having a cigarette.
Day before yesterday (in the afternoon at the pub) I kind of made the decision (after a few drinks lol). Managed to delay an urge for 20 minutes.
Had 7 yesterday (hangover helped a lot).
Had 10 today (and chain smoked three in the evening so I was doing really very well up until then). Tomorrow... Aim for less than 10. The plan is to just do that slowly. I've been really good. At the pub even when others are smoking.Now I just need to watch my alcohol and food consumption. Really don't want to put on more weight... If I start drinking water instead of coke (and alchohol lol) then should be okay.
Can't wait for my skin to clear up and for me to stop hacking up stuff and for me to smell and feel better :-)
What I am noticing though is that I do smoke in response to anxiety. Social anxiety in particular. I remember back to when I started smoking. I don't think I smoked to be cool exactly, but I guess I did smoke for social acceptance. Instant friends. Instant topic of conversation. Drugs is the same saga I suppose. When I feel a little anxious I can go outside for a cigarette. Others may come or they may not, but it is something I do in response to anxiety. It is hard now knowing what to do...
Went out to dinner the other night and I felt like I was having LSD flashbacks. I have trouble with eating / drinking around other people. Awkwardness. Other peoples evaluation. Managed to breathe my way through a couple of panic attacks. I'm doing okay but I realise... I feel fragile quite a lot. And I guess it is fairly obvious that I am fragile. And in a way... I kind of want people to know so they are careful. But then I want to get better so I don't do that. Sure it does mean that some people are careful, but it also means that other people target, and of course healthier people... Well... I think of it as a defect. I guess I'm a fairly intense person. Cope better with an intense conversation with one than I cope with social banter in a large group. Pretty scared of people really... Do awkward stuff. I guess what I get out of an intense conversation is some kind of reassurance. I need to get stronger and better at giving that to myself. I Get recurrent thoughts: 'they don't want me around and they wish I'd just f*ck off'. Round and round my head. Just keep on popping up and occuring to me. I know to distract myself and take some breaths and smile and stuff... But it is hard. I think maybe it is harder because of trying to stop with the smoking? Maybe because I'm trying to be more social too...
When people are nice to me sometimes I just want to cry.
Posted by Declan on July 30, 2006, at 14:33:36
In reply to Giving up cigarettes, posted by Estella on July 30, 2006, at 8:52:20
Low social expectations too? Nice to see you. I didn't start smoking until I was 35 or something so it was easy for me to stop. In fact the only way I could keep smoking was with hefty doses of opiates. Then I'd smoke nonstop. Anyway, having made a display of myself again, I was going to say that a useful thing is to stop smoking cigarettes (or any particular cigarette) the minute you don't enjoy them (it).
Declan
Posted by Estella on July 30, 2006, at 23:30:52
In reply to Re: Giving up cigarettes, posted by Declan on July 30, 2006, at 14:33:36
> Low social expectations too?
How do you mean?
> Nice to see you.
Thanks.
One and two halves (though I'll count that as three) and the time is 2.23pm. So... Not doing too badly so far. I'll aim for 10 or less per day for a couple of weeks, I think. Then 7 or less for a couple of weeks after that etc. Less if I can manage it, sure. But I'd rather take my time and enjoy the benefits of cutting down rather than swinging between stopping and starting and stopping and starting. I think I can breathe a little easier already and it has only been a few days :-)
I'm not sure how much I actually enjoy smoking. I did for a long time. I've become fairly conscious of how it is ruining my health, though. Takes the enjoyment out of it rather when I find it hard to breathe and have a fairly chronic cough because of all the goop in my airways / lungs.
I think I'm ready to give up. The hardest thing was delaying the impulse for 20 minutes. Before that I guess I didn't think I actually could. Fairly hardwired to urge to smoke -> have a smoke. Delayed for 20 minutes, though. Felt an urge every 5 minutes. Just refocused on other things. Felt anxious and stuff, but the urge goes away after around 15 or 30 seconds so it isn't that bad. At the end of the 20 minutes I realised that it wasn't so hard and I could probably do another 20. Didn't though. But I'm doing it now. I think I'm ready. Time to stop killing myself. That was what it was about really. Time to stop with that.
Posted by Declan on July 31, 2006, at 2:19:59
In reply to Re: Giving up cigarettes » Declan, posted by Estella on July 30, 2006, at 23:30:52
If you can feel nice inside you don't want to kill yourself. You can want to look after and care for yourself like you would for any other living creature.
I know what you mean by company induced weird feelings. I'd get trapped in rooms, unable to leave, sweating furiously (from the drugs I took to control this state). I'd get like I had no (normal) sense of myself.
You ever heard of "The Exterminating Angel". These people can't leave a room for weeks for no reason, and it's all they talk about.
'The way out is via the door. Why is it that noone will use this method?'
Posted by Estella on July 31, 2006, at 5:22:11
In reply to Re: Giving up cigarettes » Estella, posted by Declan on July 31, 2006, at 2:19:59
> If you can feel nice inside you don't want to kill yourself. You can want to look after and care for yourself like you would for any other living creature.
I guess... I wouldn't say I've quite gotten to that point. I think it is more about... If you start caring for yourself then maybe the good feelings will follow. And emphesema (I really should learn how to spell), well hopefully that won't.
I used to really get into Camus and Sartre (plays) and Beckett. That kind of literature. I kind of snapped out of it though. Not sure what happened. My mood picked up I guess. Or maybe my snapping out of it was what made my mood pick up. I feel a lot better (I think) for not dwelling on those ruminations intentionally. Hard enough to avoid them at times, no point prolonguing it. I don't know. Maybe smoking is a bit like that. I don't know.
5 today and it is 8.20pm. I think I'm going to have a nice hot shower and... Do some work. Or maybe do some work related reading.
Night night Declan.
Hope you sleep well.
Posted by Estella on July 31, 2006, at 8:04:48
In reply to Re: Giving up cigarettes » Declan, posted by Estella on July 31, 2006, at 5:22:11
Oh. I was looking online for some of the health benefits to quitting (to help motivate me and give me some kind of timeline for clearing the airways and co) and... I think I might have chronic bronchitis. crappy crap crap. I guess I'll just have to see...
I found a wide divergence in timelines and statistics for health benefits... Maybe I'm noticing / worrying more about the bronchitis side of things because the crap is starting to shift. Only time will tell I guess.
Posted by Estella on July 31, 2006, at 8:06:26
In reply to Re: Giving up cigarettes, posted by Estella on July 31, 2006, at 8:04:48
Oh. But I guess it has become worse since moving. Because the climate is less humid I think. Exacerbates it. Had 4 throat / lung infections in the last 6 months. Now is indeed the time to quit...
Posted by Declan on July 31, 2006, at 14:32:41
In reply to Re: Giving up cigarettes, posted by Estella on July 31, 2006, at 8:06:26
It's that cold dry air that I like so much. It irritates the airwys in some.
Emphysema is so awful. And you can get it earlier than you'd think.When I feel awful I read another book on C20 (1914-1945) history. It has a peculiarly calming effect on me and puts my troubles in perpective. Maybe it's a way of putting the death and destruction outside me?
Posted by Estella on July 31, 2006, at 20:58:29
In reply to Re: Giving up cigarettes, posted by Declan on July 31, 2006, at 14:32:41
I like the cold dry air too. Or at least I much prefer it to warmer damper air. I think I've got bronchitus again. Or some kind of throat infection / irritation at any rate. I wonder if cutting down so much has meant that it got to moving around... Or maybe I'm just getting run down again. I was sick (in the same way) just a few weeks back... Lots of water and only half a cigarette at 11.54am.
I am going to do this :-)
> When I feel awful I read another book on C20 (1914-1945) history.
Hmm. I think I'd find that fairly depressing. Though... I guess it has a happy(ish) ending. In that we are still here and co.
> It has a peculiarly calming effect on me and puts my troubles in perpective. Maybe it's a way of putting the death and destruction outside me?
Ah. Yeah, that makes sense. I remember learning in DBT that it really did help somepeople sometimes to contemplate others who are worse off. Helps to put ones own worried in perspective. I guess I do that with reading about people currently living around the world. Have to be careful sometimes with that though or I start to feel even worse about this planet of ours and the human species more in particular.
Posted by Estella on August 2, 2006, at 6:26:18
In reply to Re: Giving up cigarettes » Declan, posted by Estella on July 31, 2006, at 20:58:29
Under 10. Pretty sure I'm under 10.
And that is great, don't get me wrong.
I guess the trouble is that it really wasn't all that hard to get to under 10.
Surprised me considerably, but the hardest was that very first urge that I fought for 20 minutes.
I feel empowered now.
So now my aspirations are higher.
Max of 5.How many today?
Maybe 5 or 6.
Okay, so I'm doing pretty well...
But I really want to bring it down further still...
The urges are coming further apart and I know I can resist them now.Tomorrow:
Three max.
Trouble is I need to buy some cigarettes...
I'll buy a pack of 20 and it has to last me...
4 days (min)Ok?
Posted by vicksnow on October 15, 2006, at 18:32:45
In reply to Re: not such a great day with that today, posted by Estella on August 2, 2006, at 6:26:18
i smoke a pack every wednesday just one pack then don't smoke the rest of the week. seems to be working for me.
Posted by erik98225 on November 22, 2006, at 1:24:43
In reply to Re: Giving up cigarettes, posted by Estella on July 31, 2006, at 8:04:48
> I found a wide divergence in timelines and statistics for health benefits... Maybe I'm noticing / worrying more about the bronchitis side of things because the crap is starting to shift. Only time will tell I guess.
The statistic I've heard most often is that if you quit for 15 years it's as if you never smoked.
I am 25/m and smoker since 15.... not ready to quit because I've recently quit the much more dangerous (in the short term) alcoholism.... but just trying to help.
Posted by Sebastian on December 29, 2006, at 16:18:08
In reply to Giving up cigarettes, posted by Estella on July 30, 2006, at 8:52:20
Wellbutrin sr. My doctor tricked me and said it was for energy. One week later I found that I didn't like smoking as much and cut down to 5 a day, down from almost a pack. I've been taking 300mg a day for the last 4 years and still smoking 5-7 a day. I never thought I could do it, but my doctor triked me. I don't miss them that much, just enough to smoke 1/3 of what I used to. I realy works.
Posted by bulletproofair on January 6, 2007, at 2:21:43
In reply to Re: The best way to quit smoking, posted by Sebastian on December 29, 2006, at 16:18:08
Estella, I am SUPER IMPRESSED with how much you've cut down smoking, after smoking so much for 14 YEARS!!! Hats off to you!!
The last post mentioned wellbutrin helped him/her stopped smoking, I've honestly heard and read that that method SERIOUSLY works!! OF course, you have to pay for doctor/prescriptions possibly, but from another source, I know it works. Not personally, but a friend. And like I said, I've read quite a bit of literature in my days.
Another thing I'm gonna recommend is why not buy a pack of that nicorette gum or something?? I'm not sure how much it is, but it may be less than a doctors visit...
I think what happens when you quit smoking is its just like "what do i do with this hand now??!!" You know, like when you drive, when you go on walks, when you do anything...your hand feels empty. And also, i imagine you miss the act of just smoking something in general. You've obviously developed an oral fixation (all cigarette smokers have) and it just feels weird to not be smoking!!
I know that for a fact, because I smoked for only 3 years straight, but i smoked a good 15 cigs a day for those 3 years. I quit for about 7 months or so, even with a heavy opiate addiction, and recently (2 months ago) started smoking again after I joined a methadone clinic. I think its because i'm surrounded by smokers and the medicine actually brings back the mental need and want to smoke....plus it kind of ups the buzz every once in awhile...
but anyway, you're going to be hacking your lungs out for a good long time. Its gonna be real thick and "chunky" in a way...and real yellow and brownish colored...
I advise you get some mucinex or some equivalent equate brand mucinex...it'd help with all that crap in your throat. Having all that stuff in your trachea can lead to infections as well.
Hope i could help ya!!
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