Posted by medlib on May 22, 2000, at 22:10:11
In reply to Rage and Cutting Revisited, posted by Cynthia M on May 17, 2000, at 10:08:58
Cynthia et al--
While reading this thread, I kept flashing on the old "medical" practice of bloodletting. It was considered particularly appropriate for systemic (whole body) illness; draining out a quantity of the "bad" blood must have seemed symbolically reasonable. "Bad blood" became an all purpose explanation for both cause and treatment of what couldn't otherwise be understood.
I believe that bloodletting lasted as long as it did because it has an instinctual component. "If I am injured, do I not bleed?" Rage *is* an injury--at least to the spirit.
I think it must be human nature to want to do something dramatic to "rescue" someone gravely ill (even ourselves), if for no other reason, to demonstrate our concern. Sometimes, I wonder if, in another 2 generations, our descendents won't view the large-incision surgery of today as we do bloodletting.
I also believe that all OCD's (and I include all addictions) have a common underlying mechanism--the release or relief of intolerable internal tension. Although they employ different means and send different messages, all such behaviors serve to focus attention away from what cannot be "stood" or understood toward what is comfortingly familiar, tho harmful. "Better the evil known..."
If you conclude that my "free associations" are too theoretical and don't apply to the behavior you wrestle with daily, I shall understand completely. I do not see this one from the inside. Put it down to the musings of an insufficiently occupied mind.
My OCDs are sufficiently subtle that I can easily fail to notice that I engage in them. I routinely deny anxiety (not enough energy). So I was surprised, once I was on Effexor, to see the skin on my lower arms clear up, to notice buying the same few foods all the time, to observe that doing crosswords, or playing computer bridge and Free Cell does not relieve my "restlessness" as it used to. This thread has reminded me that the reason that I leave the house only once every 10 days-2 weeks probably is *not* lack of energy. How easily we routinize the regular, but weird.
My last odd observation (at least for now): the more dysfunctional I become, the more important it seems to forgive myself daily for being less than perfect--and then, to try to believe that I'm forgiven.
Well wishes--a babbling medlib
poster:medlib
thread:33767
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000517/msgs/34348.html