Posted by mair on March 22, 2005, at 21:18:00
In reply to Re: How do I deal with this? » mair, posted by stresser on March 22, 2005, at 18:35:32
maybe I'm depression-numb, but I'm not that upset - more annoyed. And we're getting such glowing emails from her, that it would be hard to stay upset anyway. She sounds so happy, and more amazing - so enthusiastic.
I'm pretty sure my son never went to a high school party, at least until the very end. He's the type who would just be afraid to do anything that might screw things up for him later. We had a few battles over the car - all related to him not getting home on time during a period when he was dating a girl who was a couple of years older than him. My daughter is a little smarter about it. She doesn't always get home when she's supposed to, but she always calls beforehand, and tells us exactly why she's late. Of course my son never had a cell phone then either - they make all the difference - and I'm probably more relaxed now that I've been through this before.
My son was such a straight arrow in high school and has always been so achievement oriented, but then again, he's sort of a walking anxiety disorder too, so I'm not sure it wouldn't have been better for him to cut loose a little in high school. My daughter is so much more social and not at all the perfectionist. She stresses out about school alot, but not enough to have it interfere with her social life. She's just more emotionally balanced. She also thinks her brother missed out on too many important high school experiences, by being so anti-social, which I guess includes the experience of occasionally drinking. Obviously, she feels a greater need to miss out on nothing.
I won't let this slide - I'll figure out what's going on and hopefully respond appropriately, particularly, if, as you say, there's any driving involved in this at all. But I guess it's hard for me to jump all over behavior which I certainly engaged in, although my husband who is much more likely overreact, at least where she is concerned, was much more of a wild child than I ever was.
I've always bought into the MADD line about telling your kids that you'll come pick them up anywhere anytime. The problem is that my daughter sort of seems to think this means that it's ok to drink as long as she tells us that it's happening and assures us that she's not driving or getting into a car with anyone who has been drinking. (this is based on one conversation we had about a party that fortunately never happened) I don't like her assumption that we somehow won't mind if she's honest, but I also don't want her to decide that it's just easier to drink and lie about it. So we walk a fairly fine line.
I tend to think that the 21 year old drinking age drives teenage drinking underground and deprives adults of the opportunity to teach kids how to drink responsibly. (this is coming from someone who almost never drinks) I tend to think the Europeans are a little saner and more realistic. On the other hand, I do live in the US and certainly don't want my kids ending up at parties which might get busted, and it would be easier if my daughter had your daughter's attitude.
mair
poster:mair
thread:470880
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/child/20050226/msgs/474304.html