Posted by 10derHeart on September 26, 2005, at 0:40:51
In reply to Re: Never Enough » 10derHeart, posted by Racer on September 25, 2005, at 20:39:19
Hi Racer,
That was a great post - thank you so much.
You made me think - it is possible that *sometimes* (maybe as much as 50%) I could be more easily finshing off things because I am physically hungry. Those days where I don't balance things - am not filled up with fiber, for example, it's possible, without realizing it, I am truly hungry enough to eat a LOT of whatever...because I didn't eat enough at that point - period. I'm been so focused on the obvious emotional eating (and there is PLENTY of that) I may have stopped noticing something a lot simpler to remedy. Thanks! Maybe I'll write it all down for a week or two (although I have major issues with food diaries from prior failed weight control attempts...). If only *I* am looking at them for now, I might could do it...
You haven't overstepped a thing. Like you wrote before...two sides of the same mountain, perhaps?
About the self-talk...it's seems so complicated. It isn't about giving into that feeling of giving up and eating one - or even many - "unhealthy" foods because I'm feeling disgusting...it's more like...autopilot at this point? And all about the portions. Not to brag, but I am SO knowledgeable about food groups and what's good for people, it's ridiculous. I've learned so much I could teach nutrition, I swear.
I'm awkwardly trying to say, I know WHAT to eat, and I generally do - say 80% of the week or more. I have few unhealthy foods in my house. But for the life of me, being able to STOP seems impossible right now. Because I can choose the best stuff in the world, but if I demolish bags/containers, etc., in one night, I'll pile on calories. This is mostly the emotional sensation of needing to feel something good and comforting -right now! Then, to not care if I stop eating whatever it is... I try nice baths and tea and taking a nap, drinking water, reading and calling a friend and blah, blah, blah....but I still want and *will have* some food WITH those other comforting things. <sigh>
About my T. - didn't man to imply he can't help me. He can't yet -because I will NOT allow this topic to be discussed. He knows I want to. He knows I'm trying. He knows the basic issue, from little half-jokes we've both made (he's overweight, too) and single sentences I'll utter. But so far, if he asks one thing, I feel awful and tear up and tell him DON'T ask me that. I can't talk abut it. He backs off - his style is not to push - unless I ask him to - then he will immediately. I hate that, though.
But soon, soon - I will. He probably can help me to understand the extreme need to fill up, which I know is about love and lonliness and so on. But not if I won't speak and just hide behind pillows feeling huge and gross and exposed....
It is hard.
Posting here to awesome people like you helps me not give up.
poster:10derHeart
thread:559498
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20050314/msgs/559680.html