Posted by sadone on October 1, 2007, at 16:31:46
In reply to Re: Binge Eating » sadone, posted by Racer on October 1, 2007, at 10:19:16
learning to ask for comfort, how do I do that? i dont know what else would be comfort for me? - ahh, yes, I do, holy sh*t just had a light bulb come on - i know that I crave touch, not touch that a husband can give - not that there is any of that these days anyway - but I crave the touch of others - men only - for example: I went to buy shampoo the other day as one does, looking glamerous in my paint covered flip flops that i have worn for 3 summers in a row, my baseball cap that i dont leave home without to hide myself (like people cant see me anyway) - and my now tight shorts that I make myself wear (again maybe as punishment) as it reminds me of how much the binging has ruined my body.
anyway.......
the guy selling it to me said why are you so sad? I told him I wasnt sad, he said i know you are troubled i feel it - I of course did what any girl would do - started to cry of which i then could not stop. he took my hand walked me to a chair out the back continued to hold my hand and sat with me for a while and talked. It wasnt so much the talking that made me feel better, but it was the touch, the simple touch of my hand that made me feel so incredibly okay. for me that was far more comforting than any binge, but i dont really see myself going up to strange men and asking them to touch me ?!?
massage is pretty expensive these days, although maybe it is worth the investment and could help me. Ithink this all stems from the fact that I was never hugged or touched as a child, our family never showed any affection. my sister and i still dont hug comfortably like a friend would (none of those left.) i was in boarding school from the age of 11 - 18 no boys or men in my life at all, except my b/ball coach, and same thing - i craved his touch !
I dont socialize with anyone and feel like i look at life from the outside and have never been able to be a part of it.
what do you find comforting? in a perfect world if we no longer had to eat anything - like alcohol, we could survive without it, what would it feel like not to have food there for comfort? i know i would feel sad, immed. anxious. Do you feel like it has anything to do with the brain telling us that we want more serotonin? as we dont manufacture enough of it in our brain - threrefore we binge? or is it 100% used as a form of abuse for us?
Do you eat in public? i know i hate eating when people can see me. It is not comfortable, like I shouldnt be doing it or something. I sat and ate an ice cream on the main street the other day to see how would i feel, i would usually hide in my car, and i didnt enjoy it, i hated the feeling, it took away any enjoyment i would have had. I dont know anybody in this area which made it easier - but I remember back in OZ where i grew up, i could never have done that - had someone i know see me eat an ice cream (bad food) good food eg apple etc was perfectly ok tho. strange dont you think?
poster:sadone
thread:784597
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20070820/msgs/786308.html