Posted by kara lynne on April 9, 2004, at 15:59:54
In reply to Re: Last night I prayed, posted by Wildflower on April 9, 2004, at 14:03:56
Thank you, Jai, Gardenergirl, Wildflower. I deeply appreciate your thoughts and prayers. I keep thinking there is more I should do to find her: Yesterday I called another shelter (in a terrible area far away, but one she might have been taken to). The guy on the phone said it didn't matter if she had a microchip, if she was at all 'skittish' they would put her down after five working days. I flew down there in the middle of work and had to walk into my nightmare: passing cages and cages of animals about to be put to death. One dog in particular haunted me; he was singled out and put in the room with the feral cats. He was a mutt with the sweetest disposition, isolated because he was 'ill', and going to be put down in a few days if he didn't spontaneously get better. I reached my hand in the cage and he licked me and looked up at me with the sweetest face I've ever seen. I started to decompose. The assistant was very nice to me considering what kind of place this was. I don't understand why I was the only one there who found it so torturous. Then I had to go through the list of euthanized pets to see if maybe she was on it. Thank God I couldn't find her. When I first arrived I saw a white cat peacefully sleeping in a cage and I ran up to it, but it wasn't my Alice.
I called a grief counselor last night, someone my friend has talked to in the past and liked very much. She had good things to say, but it felt so canned to me. Like she had a printout that she read to everyone experiencing loss. It was about letting yourself feel the grief, knowing that it is your capacity to love, and loving yourself through the grief. All good things. I will try to see if any of it can sink in.
I miss my Alice so much. I keep thinking I hear her. I keep feeling like in a minute I will get to see her. I keep thinking it's my fault; that if I didn't move here she wouldn't have gone. That I must have been wrong in some way or this wouldn't have happened. I still feel like my life has no purpose without her.
poster:kara lynne
thread:332149
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20040220/msgs/334559.html