Posted by fallsfall on July 6, 2003, at 22:16:22
In reply to seeing my t in his apt., posted by ruby on July 6, 2003, at 21:19:06
You have told us a lot. I had two reasonably strong reactions, so let me talk about those.
The bed. I think that would be strange to be looking at anyone's bed during a professional appointment. I remember going to a job interview at one of the local hotels. There I was, trying to be (look and sound) professional and there was a bed over there. I found it disconserting. If the two of you traded seats, then you couldn't see his bed. I don't know if that it practical given the space. I would think that if you requested not to be able to see his bed that he should accomodate you. But, as you say, this might send you into the office.
The second issue is the fee. When therapists makes special arrangements (low fee, no charge for missed session, waive fee during financial crisis) for a client, both the client and the therapist have feelings associated with the "specialness". I almost never miss a session (1 every 3 years or so), and my therapist didn't charge me for the missed sessions (she could "understand" how I missed the session). Until the last one. She called me, and I didn't realize that I had an appointment then. A couple of days later I got a letter telling me that I had a $25 charge for the missed session (her regular fee is $105). I was crushed. She had always understood my problems and sided with me. Now she was on the other side and I felt betrayed. Intellectually I knew that she was quite justified (and even could have charged more), but emotionally it really destroyed me. When I started thinking about it I thought about the second time I missed the session. I was doing really poorly, barely making it out of bed. It was an 8AM appointment, so it must have been just after I stopped working. She called and woke me up. I didn't know what day it was (honestly). Once we got me to understand what day it was (I kept saying "but my appointment is on Wednesday". It was Wednesday) she said "Well, I know that you are feeling really poorly right now". She had lots of sympathy - almost pity - in her voice. Looking back, she should have had more detachment than that. That let me think I was more important to her than was right. I guess in some ways it is like letting one child know that s/he is your favorite. It makes everything more complicated than it needs to be. I'm concerned that if you think that you aren't paying him a reasonable amount, then you will feel that you have to do something (work extra hard, be more honest than you are comfortable with, agree with him when you don't really agree, all the way up to sleep with him) that you don't want to do. He could also feel the wrong way (pity, feeling that he is "saving" you, feeling omnipotent).
I've just read a lot that says that special fees are a real problem for the therapy.
That was long winded!!!!
But if I were in your shoes, I would want to stay special. I wouldn't want to go to the office, I wouldn't want to pay full fee, I wouldn't want the time restrictions. But, as I said, the literature says that those are all a problem.
I wish you the best - these are complicated issues.
poster:fallsfall
thread:239748
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030529/msgs/239762.html