Posted by Rigby on March 4, 2004, at 21:11:24
In reply to women without children, posted by terrics on March 4, 2004, at 15:16:10
I never thought about having kids. Until I turned 38 and bought a house. Then I thought a kid would make me happy. And complete.
And so began one of the most intense and depressing periods in my life.
I picked a great gay guy as a sperm donor. And did about 18 months of inseminations. Nada. Frankly, I don't think I was probably real fertile when I was 28 let alone 38. I was miserable for a *long* period of time.
Then I thought we would adopt so I went that route.
But through it all--inseminations and adoption information gathering, emotionally something just didn't "feel right."
Eventually, about two years into it, I decided, purely gut-level, to abandon the adoption plan.
There was definitely a level of mourning throughout it all--very intense, very sad. It got so bad, so core deep sad that finanlly I had to tell myself that I either needed to get busy living or get busy dying. I chose the former. And by doing so, somehow, like clouds finally breaking, I had done it, I had made my peace. Which is all I ever kinda wanted anyway.
So I wouldn't take back the process simply for that peace. Granted, it was hard fought, but it's been peace nonetheless.
poster:Rigby
thread:320209
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040303/msgs/320364.html