Posted by Racer on May 18, 2004, at 18:52:06
In reply to Re: Therapist-permanence (long, windy, *sigh*) » DaisyM, posted by fallsfall on May 18, 2004, at 17:00:59
For once, I'm not likely to be long-winded, because I"m just back from the dentist, heavily medicated, groggy, but I wanted to put in my own experiences, for what they're worth.
Obviously, this is going back more than a few years, to my successful therapy experiences. I went into cycles with that therapist, where I would feel this build up of anxiety so intense it felt as if I would literally fall down in a quivering heap and just shake for the rest of time. At the same time, I felt as if I had to get something done, RIGHTTHISVERYSECOND, but I didn't know what it was. Those were really, really terrible times. I felt as if I just couldn't live through them.
They were usually followed by major breakthroughs. Things that I couldn't even think about looking at would suddenly break out one day, get processed, and resolved. Then, of course, comes the let down phase. I called that the "dishcloth" phase, because I felt like a wrung out dishcloth.
Once I learned that that build up usually led to a breakthrough, of course, I'd try to force it, but that didn't work at all -- the pressure of trying to force it actually made it worse. I'd think and say things like, "I know this means something new and big is coming, and I want to get it over with so that I can get back to being perfect and not needing therapy, so let's start digging!" Uh-uh. Not happening. Whatever it was would wait until it was good and ready.
At the time, I didn't drive, but I can certainly relate to the driving too fast, white knuckles, loud radio -- that's the same sort of sense I'd get then. (Remember where I grew up: bus stops on every corner, and the last legal parking space was taken in 1963.)
I hope that helps some, DaisyMae. You know I want the best for you, and I hope that this is a sign that you're making much better progress than you think.
(Oh, yeah, and I'd want to cancel appointments at those times, too.)
poster:Racer
thread:348279
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040512/msgs/348337.html