Posted by pretty_paints on July 20, 2004, at 12:07:24
hello again all, I thought Id add this in a different post to my last one, as its kind of a separate issue.
I was diagnosed with severe depression at xmas and am now on 300mg efexor. I started pyschotherapy about a month ago and thats going ok I guess.
The thing is, I cant get this idea of "recovered memories" out of my head. Do you know what I mean? Part of me is worried that something horrendous HAS happened in my past but that Iv forgotten it somehow. And then another part of me just thinks, thats ridiculous because I (or anyone else I know, friends/family etc) can remember any incident along these lines.
You see in theory, I was kinda all made up. I got all my grades, went off travelling for a while etc etc and then started at cambridge. And all looked hunky-dory, and everything seemed fine to me. And then all of a sudden, I had some trigger (a tragedy happened to a mate) and suddenly I'm hurtling down to rock bottom, cant eat or walk or talk or get out of bed or ANYTHING. And even now, July, its still going on, although nowhere near as bad. I'v been on some different meds etc and thats all ticking along.
I do have some worries yes, but part of me just feels that they dont JUSTIFY feeling so suicidal (not now, at xmas I mean). It doesnt add up to me. My pdoc thinks its a mostly "chemical" thing and that once im stabilised on meds, it'll all be okay. I see my therapist twice a week, which Iv found too much so I'm gonna go down to once a week.
Anyway, point is, Iv been reading and reading about this issue of "recovered memories" online. Where people who have previously been fine, suddenly dip and then in therapy they discover how they were abused as children or whatever. HOWEVER there is just as much info on this "false memory syndrome", people wanting to have something specific to explain away their depression. Basically I dont want to go one way or the other. I am obviously not saying "I hope I was abused", but at the same time I don't want to just dose up on meds and feel fine and then find that the depression returns and returns because I havent dealt with issues.
So really what I'm looking for is anyone here who has had any experience of a similar situation. I feel a bit sick in a way, my family are treating me like I'v gone mad because it seems to them like I'm wanting there to be some horrible experience! Of course that is not it. I just want to do my best to understand things. Does that make sense? Has anyone been in a similar situation to me, where there hasnt been a particularly obvious cause to their depression? It seems to me that quite a lot of people know quite clearly what their issues are.
So yeh...
1-Has anyone felt in a similar situation to me?
2-What was the outcome, did you recover any memories or did you come to realise it wasnt linked to a particular event?
3-If you did recover memories: did you have ANY clue AT ALL that you had been through a bad experience, or were you completely blank on it?
4-Are there any clues to look out for?
5-How do these recovered memories come back to you? Through dreams? Flashbacks? During therapy?
I know this is quite a hotly-disputed topic. From reading a lot of posts, I know most of you guys are very knowledgeable on things like this, so I figured you would be the best people to ask!! My inckling is that it is actually quite rare for somebody to have absolutely no knowledge of some experience and then to have the whole thing suddenly fly out at them. So I guess what I'm really hoping for is that I can lay my worries on this issue to rest, and concentrate on what else could be causing my depression.Thanks to anyone who does tell me about their experiences. I realise it is a difficult thing for people to talk about. so I appreciate it! a lot! Oh this whole thing is so hard, it feels like I'm trying to solve some massive cryptic puzzle, with only a silly broken brain to help me!
Thanks - and sorry about the very long post xx
poster:pretty_paints
thread:368257
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040716/msgs/368257.html