Posted by daisym on July 21, 2004, at 20:12:13
In reply to Re: recovered memories...?, posted by Ilene on July 21, 2004, at 19:14:39
This is such a hotly debated topic but a couple of things.
Sybil turned out to be mostly fiction. Not that DID doesn't exist, but the story of Sybil was embellished. Which has hurt the credibility of so many other people.
As far as Holocaust victims, the research shows that children who are harmed by those who are supposed to be protecting them, or nurturing them, like parents, causes such confusion and conflicting emotions that they dissociate in order to survive. Most of the Holocaust victims were abused by "the enemy" and had comfort and compassion from their family and friends. Not that they didn't face extreme horrors. But the psychology was different.
Not all abuse requires touching. Some of it is an atmosphere of fear and oppression. Sometimes it can be things said, porno shown, etc. What might feel abusive to one person, might not to another. There is no scale of "bad," "really bad," and "horrible." It isn't all sexual either. And it doesn't always happen at home, at night or in isolation.
That said, I think most children who are abused remember parts and pieces. A year ago I would have told you that I've ALWAYS known EXACTLY what happened to me. But I was wrong. Turns out it started sooner and ended later and got more horrible than I "knew." And recently I found out that it happened to my little sister. We've never spoken about it, even now. So I didn't tell her, and she didn't tell me. If she had called me up and asked, I don't know that I would have admitted it to her.
How does it show up? I think it is different for everyone. It clicks in while you are talking about it, or you dream it, or you flashback into it. Often you get pictures before feelings. Or your body remembers. Or you figure out that 1 + 1 = 4...so something is missing.
I want to caution you though that even if you get the "aha!" you are looking for...it won't take the depression and pain a way. It is likely to make it worse, at least for a while. I really, really, really wanted to believe in catharsis. That I could let it all out and it would go away. It just doesn't work like that.
Your Therapist should not lead the discussion into abuse. He/she might ask questions but to interpret any comment you make is what has led to so many false memory accusations. The general guide lines are that the client leads and the therapist asks for clarifications and then restates and perhaps reframes.
I'm sorry you are struggling with this. It is a horrible thing to wonder about. I hope you feel safe enough to keep asking questions, both in therapy and here.
poster:daisym
thread:368257
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040716/msgs/368762.html