Posted by gardenergirl on September 17, 2004, at 23:20:03
In reply to Opinions and support » Passerby, posted by daisym on September 17, 2004, at 20:56:37
Daisy,
Is this the letter you were referring to? I recall at the time asking your permission to share this with my classmates. I saved it because it expresses things I don't ever want to forget about the therapy experience. I hope it's okay to post this for you.Posted by DaisyM on January 14, 2004, at 14:27:11
In reply to Ranting and Ranting and Ranting, Oh My!, posted by fallsfall on January 14, 2004, at 11:05:49
Fallsfall -- I've written your therapist a letter. This strikes a huge nerve with me...
Dear Mr. Fallsfall's Therapist:
I'd like to try to explain why therapy clients need support for therapy, above and beyond the issues they are dealing with in their therapy.
1) The process is confusing and socially very different than anything else most of us have ever been exposed to. And there is very little instruction as to how to "conduct" yourself, other than you can say anything you want here. But, I'm not going to tell you I have a hangnail, or that I need new shoes, etc. because that is not what we are working together. It helps to talk to others who are going to therapy because you can say things like, "isn't it hard to get started?" etc. Or, what do you do when...? It is gathering information about the process, not the issues. Many of us read tons so that we can "do it right." Or figure out if you are doing it right. After all, you trained for years on how to do this, we didn't. Do we feel vulnerable? You bet. When you find a group that can offer advice, experience and support, you consider yourself lucky.
2) Emotionally it is about the hardest thing I've ever done. Think about it from "our" side -- we come in, let you rip off those protective scabs and expose wounds that run very deep...sometimes deep into places we don't even know have been effected. Then, when time is up, you don't stitch us back up, you just tell us to try not to bleed to death before the next session. Our friends supply the salve, bandaids, chocolate and whatever else we might need to patch and repair. This IS part of healing. Again, it is about the process most of the time, how painful it is, etc. It isn't that help is necessarily needed on an issue, though we might need validation on those too. After all we can't/shouldn't call you everyday to say, "I feel sad/lonely/depressed" Besides, sometimes we want to hear, "I'm sorry. It will get better. I'm thinking about you." Not, "WHY do you think you are sad, ect.?"
3) It takes courage to be honest with you and sorting out stuff with friends first can often create some strength to bring up scary issues. Again, maybe it isn't sharing the specific issue with friends but telling them you have one that is hard to talk about and hearing them say, "just tell him. That is why you are seeing him!" Babble is so great for that and for normalizing this process.
4)If an issues is big enough to have created the need for therapy, is it really realistic to think that it only needs attention 100 minutes a week? Most therapy clients know that they actually need to work on their "stuff" outside of sessions. Most do their processing with others. This is so much healthier than keeping it all locked inside. People who have noone hurt themselves, or worse.
5) I agree that having "healthy" friends to support you is ideal. But, most of them have not had therapy experiences so can't relate. Or they want to solve your problems, not listen. Or they want you to be OK so badly that you quickly realize you need to talk to people who think therapy is OK. It has been my experience that people are supportive but they really don't know what to say, nor do I want to share with those who haven't been there.
6) Finally, it sounds like you have a concern about therapy "being" life, being THE important element of existance, instead of using therapy to better live your life. I agree that many of us get caught up in this process, and for the time being, it does become central to our days or weeks. However, I must argue that ideally as we feel stronger and better able to cope with life, therapy will become "just" a tool for living and for changing into who we want to be. When therapy is terminated, and I assume it is your expectation that it will indeed end, who would you expect will offer support, etc.? I submit that Babble, and other groups like it, enhance the theraputic process for clients and you should be *glad* we have them.
Respectfully submitted,
Daisy
poster:gardenergirl
thread:388031
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040911/msgs/392194.html