Posted by Rigby on October 31, 2004, at 15:36:05
In reply to new developments, posted by crushedout on October 31, 2004, at 11:08:00
Hi Crushed,
It seems like, from what you've written (both good and bad about your therapist) you are suffering with some very painful feelings of transference. I think this therapist has been meaningful enough, clearly, for her to trigger these emotions. But she may possibly not be good enough to help you through. One could argue that most of the work done in therapy is done by the client (she probably thinks this) and that transference can't be brute forced but, still, after x number of years of feeling like crap over this woman I think you need to save yourself. So, yeah, definitely get a second opinion. I'd try anything and see what feels right and good. You're sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. And yes, there's a lot going on with you but what's remained consistent is this emotionally painful situation with your therapist. To try and get another opinion and to get help with your pain is not wrong. If you think of it in medical terms it'll maybe seem clearer.
As far as telling your therapist or not, if you were sick and one doc wasn't helping would you feel obliged to tell him or her that you were trying something else? I know it's not apples to apples but I guess it's important for all of us to demystify this supposed power a therapist has over us. They're professionals designed to help navigate us through a variety of personal issues. It's hard I think for anyone intensely involved in therapy to think about this is such detached terms but if you can find a moment in your brain or heart even to get clinical about it it may help. **Much** easier said than done, especially if your therapist screwed up their boundaries.
Anyway, there's no right or wrong. Keep writing--we'll support you either way, old T-rex or new. ;)
> Thanks to both of you, falls and Annie, for your posts and wise advice. I think you both make excellent points.
>
> Everything's constantly changing. It's like a freakin' roller coaster ride and I can't get off the dang thing. This morning when I checked my email, I found a kind message from my T. I had emailed her on Friday right after putting my kitty to sleep and then again on Saturday, apologizing for having been so melodramatic on Friday. As the days went by and I didn't hear back from her, I think I was growing increasingly angry at her because I was assuming she had gotten my emails but just didn't care enough to write back. That, on top of everything else, inspired the rage I was in last night when I wrote that post.
>
> So, when I got her nice email, my anger melted away somewhat, and I felt pretty scared that I was going back to the stuck place I've been in for G*d knows how long with her. And that I was gonna let you all down, which I hate doing. But a lot of the stuff I wrote last night (all of it?) was true, and I can't just forget about it because she's good at making me feel like she cares about me and I'm a sucker for her.
>
> Anyway, the second important development, which happened right after I got her email, was that this therapist I called last week called me and said she had a cancellation for tomorrow morning so she can see me. We have an appointment at 10:30.
>
> I'm a little scared now. Do I tell my T? I know she will be mad. I've done this before. She will have wanted to know about it beforehand. Well, at least maybe this new T can help me figure out what to do. I wish we had more than 45 minutes to talk about this. It feels huge.
>
> I'll keep you all posted. Thanks again for your insight.
poster:Rigby
thread:409442
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041026/msgs/409658.html