Posted by Shortelise on December 6, 2005, at 15:19:09
Saw T yesterday for our once every three week meeting.
Talked about an maternal emotional attachment I am forming with a young woman who works as a live-in nanny elsewhere in the city, and lives here with us, at no charge, on weekends.
I am astonished by my attachment to her, I think of her when I cook, when I shop, I think of her needs, and her preferences. I want to sew for her, sing to her, make her life better. (I don't want to have sex with her, for any of you who might be going there, which is a logical place to go when thinking about some sorts of love.) She is from South America, is very poor, smart, funny, fun, pretty. She is alone here. And out of me comes a love I did not know I was capable of.
It shocks me, frightens me. My T suggests that I am learning another way of loving. That's surely true. Still, it's scary. I don't want to hurt this woman. My husband said that he is afraid she'll hurt me, that he can't imagine me ever hurting her.
We often hurt others inadvertently.
Today what is surprising me most is how I am feeling abut my T. I feel so strongly, so so attached, I miss him and I want to cry, I want to curl up against him and feel the cared-for safety and understanding of him. Yes, it's the day after, the missing of them that's we've talked about here. But it's as though, since I am considerign so intensely the attachmemt I have to my young friend, I am also discovering the deeper feelings I have for other people too.
For my husband, for example. I am loving him to the point of distraction. I miss him, think of him, care about him. That's been going on for a couple of months, yes, since this young woman began to awaken these strong maternal feelings in me.
I feel full of love. It's WIERD. I used to be so angry, so ready to rip people to shreds at the slighest excuse. Now I am ready to compliment, smile at, befriend ... understand. Them first, me later. With strangers as well as friends. I used to be so selfish. I am so less so now. It's so WIERD!!!
ShortE
poster:Shortelise
thread:586134
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051206/msgs/586134.html