Posted by fairywings on December 7, 2005, at 10:04:09
In reply to Re: love » Shortelise, posted by Tamar on December 7, 2005, at 7:03:19
Gosh Tamar,
How do you think so deeply? You're very philosophical. I love to read your posts, they make me think about things I'd never consider.> I think we (clients in general) tie ourselves in knots over this. How much of my therapist is in the room with me? Is he a real person, or someone I made up? We tell ourselves we can’t have a real relationship with them because we only know the person they present to us in therapy; we don’t know all their faults. Well, I think people who’ve been in therapy a long time could probably make a pretty accurate list of their therapists’ faults. And we tell ourselves we can’t really love them because we don’t really know them; and that they can’t really love us because we’re just patients and not really special.
That's really an interesting thought - is he a real person or someone I made up. Maybe because the focus is on us completely during that one hour, he's not "real" in a sense that it's not a normal relationship we'd have with a spouse or friend. But over time you'd seem to get to know the real person, wouldn't you, at least in some sense? Unless they're a blank slate.
I feel pretty lucky because my T believes in sharing his real self, and a lot of his life. He tells me personal things, just because it's the way he does therapy - teaching by example. But, then how much do we project onto them because of the way we see them, or the way we want them to be, or the way they have to be for us to rely on them to help us? I think you can get to love a T, just like anyone else you could love. If you can hate them, or be mad at them, or care about them, why not be able to love them too?>
> I honestly believe that there can be real love. I just don’t see that any other word fits. Maybe it doesn’t happen to everyone or in every therapy, but when it happens it’s love. Maybe it’s a special kind of love that happens only in therapy and isn’t like loving a partner or a parent or a child or a friend.That's really interesting.
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> > I struggle with this. And no (I hear you asking) I have never discussed it with him. The idea makes me start to cry.(((hugs ShortE))
Are you sad because you want to be able to discuss the feelings with your T, but can't get yourself to do it?
I want to someday love my T, he's such a wonderful person, and I'd like to know someday that he has love for me as a person, not just one of his patients. I don't think that's at all different. I hope you're not so sad, and can think of a way to discuss it.
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> (((((ShortE)))))
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fw
poster:fairywings
thread:586134
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051206/msgs/586448.html