Posted by daisym on December 9, 2005, at 11:55:13
In reply to How do you hide it?, posted by fairywings on December 9, 2005, at 10:47:39
I think the first time I told I spent most of the weekend in bed. I left the session and threw up. You are dealing with old fear here. Like any poison it makes you sick.
This is going to feel harsh, please don't take it that way. And remember I could be projecting totally.
I think kids can hear "mommy doesn't feel well" but the truth is kids are self-centered and have certain expectations of their mom. They can only understand so much. And they are not equipped to shoulder the worry that comes with a sick parent. So, I think you do as much as you can to keep things normal. You take short cuts that don't matter and you certainly ask them to pitch in and help. But if you have to choose between making dinner and vacuuming the rug -- make dinner. Do the things that most effect the kids first.
Believe me, I understand the Christmas decoration thing. I don't have one up yet. But I have a kid who is excited about Christmas and I will have to find a way to get at least a minimum done. My plan is to have the boys pull stuff out and together we will put it around. I'm shopping on line and baking like crazy! Of course my kids are older so this might not work for you. But I have found that forcing myself to get a little done makes me feel better.
As far as husbands go. I don't know yours. And mine has lots to deal with himself. But it has been my experience that he doesn't understand how debilitating the depression can be and that I'm saving my energy for work and the kids. He feels left out and frustrated because he can't fix me. He feels neglected too and therapy is somewhat threatening for him. Saying he shouldn't feel this way is simplistic. He does. So I've tried to stop railing against what I wish he would feel. In the end, I know I can't control his feelings. But you are asking directly for what you need. You can't do more than that. You can just sometimes push yourself a little to give him what he needs to. And if you can't, you can't. Little things might make a difference - like sitting in the den with him instead of in the bedroom.
It *is* hard to have responsibilities and not feel up to taking care of them. Just remember, if kids know you love them, that goes a long way to cover for whatever else you aren't doing for them. So tell them. Hug them. And let them hug you.
Don't you wish we could all just gather together and come over and decorate each other's houses? Life would be so much easier.
poster:daisym
thread:587267
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051206/msgs/587321.html