Posted by dancinbillie on December 27, 2005, at 10:29:15
Hi everyone, it's been a while since I was here, but it's good to be back. I hope everything has been going as well as possible for all.
Here's the deal with me right now: I've been seeing my T since mid-February '05. Transference kicked in BIG TIME by the middle of March - feelings of lust, love, wanting to be with her all the time, wanting to know everything about her, wanting to forever "bask in the light of her presence" - basically a full-blown obsession.
I told her sometime during the summer about my feelings (wow, how embarrassing was THAT?!?!), but due to her reaction I didn't bring it up for further discussion, and neither has she.
Other than that, she and I seem to have worked well together. I've made some definite progress (the biggest change I've been able to make was to quit using drugs almost nine months ago, after using for 25 years)and was able, after some time of course, to open up to her and share many things that I'd not been able to share with anyone else.
She told me a week ago today that she's leaving to move somewhere (I didn't ask where) and that her last day will be January 26. She's referring me to a "trusted colleague" with whom she says I'll be "safe." (Feeling safe is a huge issue with me, and this termination isn't helping at all, believe me.)
When she told me she was moving away, I felt like I got blindsided by a truck. Since then, I've been feeling absolutely bereft - lots of tears, off and on, throughout every day and night - and feelings of depression, anger (but not at her, which seems weird to me), betrayal, and, I guess, grief. I wish I had known sooner so I could have prepared better. I know I won't, but I feel like I could just die, knowing that I'll never see or be able to communicate with her after she leaves.
I'll be seeing her twice a week between today and her departure, so ten sessions. I want to bring up my transference issues again but wonder if I should really wait until I start with the new T?
Not that I even want a new T - I'm in the state of mind at the moment that no one will do except my current T, and I'd just like to give up on therapy at this point. I find it difficult to even consider opening up and being real with another T after this experience.
Thanks for any thoughts . . .dancinbillie
poster:dancinbillie
thread:592398
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051216/msgs/592398.html