Posted by dancinbillie on December 27, 2005, at 13:13:30
In reply to Re: Termination + transference - I'm losing it =( » dancinbillie, posted by annierose on December 27, 2005, at 10:50:36
Hi annierose,
Thanks so much for your reply and your understanding =) You're right, I'm really flooded with emotions right now, none of them pleasant . . . I'm so dreading the 26th. Here I am starting to cry just thinking of it.
Okay, I'm back, though with red eyes once again . . .
I was wondering myself if she'd given me unusually short notice that she'd be leaving. I was looking on the internet earlier and didn't find any specific recommended or ethical timeframe. She explained that she has a wonderful opportunity elsewhere - it seems to me she would have known about that for some time before she announced her departure to me. Oh well.
We have been doing psychodynamic therapy, yet you're right, she clearly didn't want to delve any more deeply into my transference feelings besides telling me, "You don't even know me" when I told her I had a crush on her, and then asking me if I knew about transference (about which I'd educated myself before bringing up my feelings to her), and telling me that's what my feelings were about. She also told me the feelings would subside after a while - but here I am six months later, and the feelings have definitely not subsided. I wonder if that's because I haven't had a chance to work through them with her (or maybe a different T).
I think you're on the mark about bringing this issue up again before the therapy ends. I feel utterly embarrassed and awkward about talking about those feelings again, I guess partially because I know she's heterosexual and I've always identified as heterosexual too - but I have a feeling it's important somehow, which is why I went ahead and brought it up originally. At least I don't have to worry about her terminating me over the issue, like I worried before, since it's going to be over soon anyway.
I suppose I can talk to the new T also, only the weird thing is that she's a friend of my current T - they trained together and have known each other for 20 years, according to my T. And jeez, what if I get all wound up in transference feelings with her? I don't know. I feel altogether worse now than I did before I started therapy.
Thanks very much again, annierose . . . I'll be back . . .
dancinbillie
poster:dancinbillie
thread:592398
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051216/msgs/592443.html