Posted by pegasus on December 27, 2005, at 10:58:36
In reply to Termination + transference - I'm losing it =(, posted by dancinbillie on December 27, 2005, at 10:29:15
Oh, geez, I'm sorry. That sucks. I think all of the feelings that you expressed are very understandable. This type of thing is devastating. and she really hasn't given you much time to work through the termination before she leaves. So, so sad.
I went through something like this a couple of years ago. My T told me in the middle of October that he'd be moving away at the end of the year. I was devastated. I went home from that session and crawled into bed, and stayed curled up under the covers crying for a whole day. When my husband came home, he asked what was wrong, and I said, "T is moving away." He replied, "Oh, that's too bad." Which just showed how little he understood the whole thing. I still cry about the loss of that T at least once a week, and I think of him every day.
But . . . I did find another therapist that worked for me. I found it really incredibly helpful to talk it all over with someone else. All of the feelings of betrayal and abandonment can be really hard to deal with, and it helps to explore where they come from and how they connect to other experiences you've had.
I eventually got to the point where I could see the good and bad things that happened during my termination with my ex-T, and I could articulate the things I wish I could have said to him, and that I had wanted him to say to me. And I understood why those things seemed so important to me, and why we didn't manage to say them at the time. And I had a chance to say them to my new T, even when I couldn't say them to my old T. It didn't solve the frustration entirely, but it did help a lot.
One particular thing I notice in your post is that she is giving you very little time. Can you point that out to her, and discuss how that affects you? Also can you discuss what will happen after she leaves? Sometimes Ts will let you email them or call them occasionally after an abrupt termination like this, at least for a while. I mean, it might not be right to do therapy that way, but to maintain a connection can be helpful in terms of mitigating the feelings of being abandoned. That's what my T did. I still email him every few months, and he usually writes back a short but supportive email. It made a world of difference to me, in terms of feeling like he really did care, and that I was right to trust him, and that our relationship had been/is genuine.
I wish you lots of luck and support and comfort during the process of this termination.
pegasus
poster:pegasus
thread:592398
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051216/msgs/592403.html