Posted by llrrrpp on May 23, 2006, at 11:31:08
In reply to Re: scared of going to the hospital *trigger*, posted by B2chica on May 23, 2006, at 9:15:13
> (((((((((llrrrpp))))))))))))
>
> i'm so sorry you are feeling this badly. but i'm glad you are still talking. that is an excellent sign. i'm also glad you came clean with your T. it's important. SI should be talked about not ignored.thanks for the hug. There haven't been enough hugs for me lately :(
I talk about it after the fact, not when I think something is getting started, and not when I'm agonized. It's remorse the morning after, and wishing that I could change and find support when I need it, instead of becoming frightened and paralysed for hours at a time.
> i am glad that you are taking in at least some calories. go for the high protein items peanut butter, etc. maybe some shakes that have vitamins and stuff in them.
yes, I had 22 grams of vanilla whey shake today. I'm going to eat whatever is in the fridge that's semi liquid, requires no prep, and won't make me nauseous. chewing? who gives a crap? dishes? they are piling up for the last 10 days. another bonus of living alone...I haven't been shopping in ... ? 2 weeks. Whatever, I still have about 2 months of whey protein shakes left.
> i think i would keep you on very close watch.
> do a couple of things for us. talk to your T about your plan. i think sometimes talking aobut this things can often reveal much more than just the plan itself. sometimes more feeling about what is trapped inside that is causing so much pain.Oh boy. I don't know if I can tell him my plan. I don't want to think about it. What if it doesn't work and I wind up like ? very uncomfortable.
> and if your T SHOULD recommend hospitalization, either now or in the future. well, we've all had our own experiences with it but i'd say in my experience, it's been mostly good. (if you volunteer yourself....ALWAYS volunteer yourself!-which means if they ask you if you will go, say yes. if you don't and they think you are a threat you may end up in some other facility, THAT happened to me twice and That facility was a NIGHTMARE!-i would choose hospital over that ANY day.) anyway.
> mostly hospitals will only keep you 2-3 days. switch some meds around, make sure you are getting counseling upon release and send you on your way.
> so don't worry too much.
> hugs and cares
> b2c.
>I'm not sure I have enough moneys to pay for inpatient care for more than a few days. Also, I'm kind of freaked out that my colleagues and family will find my hospitalization a rather scary way to find out that their beloved llrrrpp is unwell. (as I said in an earlier post, few of them are in-the-know)
So I'm torn between wanting to tell T everything, getting it out there, in the gruesome gory details and cry and sob (I cry almost every session lately, anyways. such a crybaby. oh well) and playing it cool, let him know as much as he knows already, and then try to deal with the details on my own.
My stomach is knotted whenever I think about how T will interpret the email. I STILL haven't heard back from him. i know he checks email in the morning. It's been 2 mornings. I guess he only works at this particular office a few days a week?
I want to hide.
poster:llrrrpp
thread:647225
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060517/msgs/647280.html