Posted by B2chica on July 19, 2007, at 9:59:47
In reply to I'm Upset - triggers (long), posted by DAisym on July 18, 2007, at 20:02:38
((((daisy)))))
your T sound so supportive to your needs, whether or not it is a new level.daisy...i really need to tell you how important it was to me at how openly you discussed what was going on in therapy. although i'm trying to put any csa issues in the background right now...they do tend to intrude in my life, without my wanting them to. things as simple as giving my DD a bath, or my own body image.
there are many things i haven't discussed in therapy. though i've been descriptive with last T. i got through the actions and not really emotions. i basically just survived saying what happened. never really 'talking' about it. and honestly....i didn't know how to. seeing others post here, really help me not just in maybe how therapy is supposed to go (or not go), but in understanding how Utterly Scary these memories/emotions are...and that one can live through discussing them (and not becoming suicidal in the process).you say "and what if i reveal something that is too awful for him to know?" i think someone else mentioned that chances are i bet he already knows there is more and terrible things and is prepared for them. but this is SUCH a fear of mine. i'm afraid that if i tell some things to my T that she will look at me with disgust and blame and say flat out that what i did was SICK and it IS my fault...this is SUCH a fear that it's held me back in therapy.
>>I really hate this. Why can't I be finished with it?
You said it girl! i feel like i am in this big ossilating cage that goes back and forth between the same problems over and over...never really getting anywhere, never really putting and end to any of it. but i think (in my case) once i've talked enough about it i can lay it to rest...at least for a while. somehow i feel that this is something that will effect a portion of my life as long as i am living. sometimes i see that as TERRIBLE and it depresses me or angers me. othertimes i see it as just an obstacle and will help me to make better choices for both me and DD in the future...other days i try to ignore it all. (lately).these memories and they way they sneak up on us is HORRIBLE. then the emotional turmoil they put us through is worse. yet somehow, people like you Consistantly float back to the top. it gives me hope that i can talk about these things...and survive them. But MOSTLY what i get is that i'm very much NOT alone with things i feel. I truly can not tell you how much that means to me.
it's SO scary cuz i feel SOOOOOO isolated IRL because of my history. babblers somehow make me feel a little less alone. and sometimes...sometimes when those ugly secrets come out on this board, it help me to gain a little more power over my secrets, instead of it having power over me. and THAT gives me a little more power over my abuser.and i didn't mean to make this about me. but it is just SO important to me that you know what you are doing for me...and i'm sure others out there.
thank you daisym.
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:770441
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/770528.html