Posted by Daisym on May 29, 2008, at 0:16:48
There are lots of old feelings floating around for me, ones I can't quite verbalize. Why is it still so hard to put words to these memories and tell the truth? My therapist said today that he has noticed that it is really hard for me to "tell" again - I'm brushing away the stories and feelings and saying things like, "my history" instead of naming the abuse. I told him not to worry, I'm writing a lot. He was quiet and said, "I haven't seen any of your writings in a long time either."
He never pushes, it is always up to me to share stuff. But he worries that I'm too alone with it all, trapped inside my head. The tears came up and so many intense feelings - and a new question - "what happens to the stories when I'm done with therapy?" I asked him if they live on in his walls - or are they forgotten forever? He said he doesn't think he'll ever forget - that made me cry harder. At our last session, he'd talked gentle and directly to little Daisy, telling her she was really welcome in our sessions and wondering why she'd been sitting up on the ceiling again so much. It was weird and powerful and still makes me squirm.
Best line of the session: We were talking about fear of being too much and of my neediness driving everyone away - including my therapist. (Yes, this is the millionth time we've talked about this, and I said I knew it was mostly an irrational fear.) He said, "you know, you really should see someone about that. Therapy might help you face that fear..." What a smart A%%!
poster:Daisym
thread:831829
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080524/msgs/831829.html