Posted by Happyflower on June 11, 2008, at 21:33:15
In reply to Called my old T today and left a message, posted by Happyflower on June 11, 2008, at 13:08:37
Thank you everyone for all your views on this, I very much appreciate it, it has given me to think about.
My T will be back next week on Wed, and I have an appointment on Thurs.,but if I happen to see my old T before that, my current T will be available to me by phone. I don't even know if my old T will see me, he is also on vacation, coming back on Monday. So I have this week to think about all of this. I did plant the seed, put I can kill it if I need to.I just feel in my gut that in order for me to heal, I need to do this. I know I may not get what I want and I am not even sure what that is. It has been a year, the feelings are as strong and I feel if I don't deal with this, it will always be a hurt that I will never get over. I feel I at least need to give him a chance to help me come to terms with my feelings.
If things go badly, I will plan to switch gyms so I won't have the chance to see him. My T really doesn't want me to do that because he knows how important my other relationship are at the gym. But if it will help me move on, then I will.I want to forgive my T for what he did so I can have peace in life about it, so I can heal, so I can not hold a grudge. I know myself and this is so vital to me because he was one of my first fundamental relationships I have had. I don't expect to become friends with him or anything like that, I actually don't want that, unless it is many years later, and I am not sure about that even.
I need to clear my heart, and I need to take this active approach to do this. My T wants to see me before I see my old T, he is probably right, that he wants to prepare me. I will also try to get an appointment soon afterwards in case I need one.I know what he did was so wrong in some ways, but he is human, and I had a part in that. I don't respect him as much as my current T, but I still have found memories of my old T. He did help me and I am a different person because of him. Even my current T says that I am a favorable client because I am really trying hard at improving my life, and for a T it is extremely hard not to live in the excitement. My T says my personality is one that is fun to work with as a client and it feels good because they can see their progress at helping me progress in my life.
I feel with the strong relationship with my current T will help me face this and perhaps but this behind me without so much hurt. I am wanting to do this to help myself move on, not to extend the relationship with my old T.
I am thinking of writing him a letter and putting it in his mailbox at his office, so he can have a chance to read what I want to talk about and why. I just don't know what else to do, it has been a year since I fired him, and I still can't let go the hurt I feel. I am feeling much stronger now with my meds and I feel I am ready for this nomatter the outcome. I hope I can count on my friends here for some support because it will be very hard, but it is something I feel I need to do.
poster:Happyflower
thread:834169
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080524/msgs/834248.html