Posted by Amanda29 on July 28, 2008, at 16:53:26
I need help. I just recently realized that I think I am experiencing transference...the good, bad and all the above :) I am freaking out. I have always told myself that I am not attracted to my therapist because he has been married (now divorced..with a girlfriend)and he has 2 children,and although he isn't all that bad to look at...I didnt want to admit to the fact that I thought he was good looking because I was afraid that it would interfere with therapy. So I have remained calm about it.
I am not so much sexually attracted to him as I am attracted to the way he presents himself and the way he interacts with other people. I tell him that I have to hear his voice because it calms me down. He has a really calm demeanor about himself and I literally have a anxiety attack if I cannot hear him or talk to him. He has given me his cell phone and email address and so I was calling him on his cell phone but he told me to only use it for emergencies, so I am respecting that boundary...but he lets me email him as much as I want...which is a God Send.
My problem is that I feel like I have become too dependent on him...which is a sign of transference...I have to hear his voice, I want to talk to him almost every day...I want to be a part of his life...(which I know will never happen) I am jealous of his girlfriend, I am jealous of his thriving practice and his receptionist that gets to work with him every day.
I cant answer yes or no to being sexually attracted to him because it comes and goes. I know nothing could ever happen so I am not dwelling on the idea of us.
I just dont know what to think of all of this but I think that it is transference. Does it sound like it to anyone else?
How do I go about talking to him about this? I have been reading a lot on the internet about how this is a normal thing and that therapists are used to it...so talking about it shouldnt be a problem. I also read that some therapists create transference just so that they can deal with issues easier... PLUS, I have BPD and I read about transference based thearapy...I hate transference ...so I hope he isnt using that on me.
What if I go to him this Thursday and I happen to be having feelings for him and I have to look him in the eyes and tell him I have feelings for him...? I Can't do that?! What if he can't handle it?
I am having a hard time with this because my previous therapists terminated me over transference. I dont know what it is, but for whatever reason, every therapist I have transference occurs. My previous ones couldnt handle it. So I am scared to think about what is going to happen with him. I have been with him for 3 years.
I heard that most therapists have an idea if their client/patient has a crush on them...makes me wonder if he knows I occasionally have feelings for him. I have never knowingly showed it. This might blow him out of the water. But then again...I dont always have feelings for him.
I dont know.. Any help an advice on ways to handle this would be great.
Thanks.
A
poster:Amanda29
thread:842644
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/842644.html