Posted by Suedehead on July 31, 2008, at 19:37:35
In reply to Re: Leaving on a bad note, posted by wishingstar on July 31, 2008, at 16:57:04
Thanks, wishingstar. Yeah, you're right--I didn't feel emotionally supported at all! As I said, it's not like I expected him to reciprocate my feelings or anything (though of course that would have been nice!). I really just needed him to "normalize" them and tell me that he was happy I was able to share them with him. Instead I just felt like I freaked him out.
As for your T not telling you about her vacations until the last minute, that must be pretty rough, especially since you've already told her how it makes you feel. I dunno. Sometimes people--even our Ts, sadly--are just appallingly slow to catch on to things. I hope that she comes to understand in time.
> I'd feel hurt and disappointed by his reaction as well. You took a big leap and even though he commented that it was a big step, it sounds like you didnt feel emotionally supported in having done it. It makes it harder to do it again, at least for me. But good for you for being so honest. I'm sorry he wasnt able to be more supportive in that moment.
>
> I've been with the same T for almost 2 years now. I have a lot of issues surrounding abandonment both from my childhood and a rather traumatic termination (if you want to call it that) from another T a few years ago. My current T knows all of this of course, but yet still never tells me she's going on vacation until the end of a session when we stop to schedule again. She'll just say "well, I'm going to be gone next week at the beach (or whatever), will the next Mon (my usual day) work for you?" I've told her I'd like a little more warning, even if it's just at the beginning of the session before the missed week, but it never happens. I think she really does understand that I/clients get attached to her and need her, but somehow she's not making the connection between that and her vacations etc. I hate it and it always is a huge reminder of the professional nature of our relationship, which makes trust harder for me. My T also only works 2 days a week, so sometimes we miss each other... like this week, I was out of town on my regular day, and she's gone on her other regular day, so I didnt get to see her.. definitely no advance warning on that. Ick.
>
> I agree that being direct with him is the best plan. I think you may be right to guess that he was just surprised by what you said and that caused him to miss a potentially important moment. He needs to know that so he can hopefully fix it, for next time if nothing else.
poster:Suedehead
thread:843273
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/843349.html