Posted by Suedehead on July 31, 2008, at 19:53:33
In reply to Re: Leaving on a bad note, posted by Daisym on July 31, 2008, at 18:34:41
Thanks, Daisym. Your guess as to what might have been running through his mind is definitely reassuring, though I won't know for sure what he was thinking until I ask him during our next session. Thinking about what you said, actually, I can see how his reaction might really have been pretty gracious. If he had pushed me to say more about my feelings right then, with only a couple of minutes left, I guess I'd have felt even *more* vulnerable upon leaving, and even more unable to get through the next two weeks without him. I'm pretty sure that he's aware of the power of attachment, etc. in therapy--he does relational psychotherapy so a huge part of the work we do together involves examining all of the little (and not so little) things that come up in our relationship with one another.
As for why it's hard for me to admit to missing someone--well, first of all, when I attach to people, I attach very strongly. I'm often overcome with love for them and am kind of ashamed of the intensity of my feelings because I can't imagine that they could possibly be reciprocated. So basically I feel like all of my feelings are unrequited on some fundamental level and I hate to draw others' attention to the discrepancy between my feelings and theirs because, I don't know, it gives them the upper hand in some way. Plus, I worry that they'll find me pathetic. I don't know if this makes any sense. Clearly it's something I need to work on, though...
> I don't think it is too much to expect that he would have reacted differently but I can sort of imagine the following thoughts running through his head -- "wow - that was brave of her, I wonder what made her tell me, out loud, right now? But gee, we only have a few minutes left - and I'm leaving for two weeks. So maybe we shouldn't open up all these feelings for me when I'm not going to be here...I'll acknowledge the risk and see where that goes." Telling him how it felt to you will be another risk, but an important one. Something to think about while he is gone is why is it so hard to admit missing someone? What happens if you care about someone and they know it?
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> I'm really surprised at any therapist, in this day and age, that doesn't get that clients worry when they go on vacation. You'd have to almost being living under a professional rock to not have heard about attachment, transition, etc. Even if you don't directly deal with these things in your type of therapy, it is still important to acknowledge the feelings in the room. I know lots of therapist don't want to "gratify" the client, etc. I believe that is short sighted.
>
> I hope the next two weeks go well for you. Keep posting!
poster:Suedehead
thread:843273
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/843353.html