Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2008, at 13:02:17
In reply to Re: said goodbye to T yesterday - really strugglin, posted by myrtledog on August 2, 2008, at 12:27:35
Well, I have a few ways to get through crisis periods. Some are more adaptive than others.
First, you don't need to justify your feelings to others, including crisis line workers. I read the other day in a book by Jonathan Kellerman (who is himself a psychologist) that the death of a therapist is like the death of a parent. That can be so true. And since your therapist didn't die, it may even actually be worse.
I think the practicalities of a funeral serve a few purposes. They bring the mourner into the company of friends and family. The ritual creates some closure. But maybe most importantly they force the mourner to function. I felt this odd sensation of being there and not being there, but I did go through the motions to do what was necessary.
If you can coax your mind into a track where you have to separate from your grief enough to function, it can help you over those first shocky stages of grief. Are there friends you can meet and go to a movie? Movies are good, because you wouldn't have to talk much, but you would have some reason to feel distracted. And some contact with others.
Is there an obsessive hobby you have? I know it sounds stupid, but it helps me. I even sometimes play endless games of Bubbles on my cell phone. It's simple and repetitive and it seems to calm me.
Distractions of any sort are good.
I don't know if you've been prescribed any anti anxiety medications. But that can help with the worst of it. If you haven't been prescribed with any, maybe your doctor could prescribe a few? They can help you sleep, and help the pain feel not so close, until your body and mind have a chance to start healing. Also, exercise can help with some of that intensity of emotion. Or so I hear. It tends for some reason to increase my intensity of emotion, unless it's connected with some non-exercise purpose. Also any anxiety control techniques you've learned. Grief isn't anxiety, but they are both intense emotions that respond to some of the same things.
Remember your breathing. Set one foot in front of the other. It won't always hurt this bad. It might always hurt, but the intensity will fade.
And Babblers do know what it feels like. So if you need a community of people to talk about your loss or your therapist, this is a good place. Would it help to talk about her and your time together?
Distraction, community, exercise, medication, calming breaths. I'm sure others will have other ideas to offer.
poster:Dinah
thread:843629
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/843690.html