Posted by LadyBug on August 2, 2008, at 15:37:09
In reply to said goodbye to T yesterday - really struggling, posted by myrtledog on August 2, 2008, at 2:11:08
(((((myrtledog)))))
I know pretty much what you are going through. My T is retiring in December this year.
We had some issues a few months ago and I left telling her I didn't know if I could see her ever again, that was before I found out she was retiring. She sent me a letter to announce it to me, just a few weeks ago.
My dilemma is different in the fact that I didn't say good bye, I was so hurt I couldn't go see her again, now I'm faced with what I should do. She will be gone out of my life and I know it's going to hurt to go see her after she hurt me and tell her good bye, but if I don't, I can't.
Anyway, I do think it's a good idea to write here as much as you need to. And write in a journal. Write down your memories of your work with her. Write down what you are feeling now. Write letters to her, even if you never send them. In my opinion it's worse than a death. We know they are still alive, though not available to us in the way we are used to. We know we could talk to them or see them, but in reality we can't. In death, we can't go see them or talk to them. We accept that, we miss them, but we go on through the grieving process in a different way.
I know I'm going to always wonder what my T is doing. If she ever thinks of me. I know it won't be often if she does. I want to matter to her. I want to be in her heart. She's told me I always will be and I know after 11 years working with her, I am in her heart somewhere.
Is there anything you wished you had said to your T and didn't? Do you have any regrets? Did that final hour go as well as you had hoped? Would you change any of it if you could do it again?
I'm so curious as I am going to possibly go through the same thing. Is she completely done and unavailable, or is she working for a few more days?Keep with us. You will find a lot of support here. Hang on to the good things in your heart. It's hard but in time the pain will lesson. I'm sure it will. It's been over 2 months since I've seen my T and though my feelings are conflicted, the pain is more tolerable.
My hope for you is that your pain will be more tolerable. Right now, it's fresh and you are wounded. Love yourself and love your bear. That's awesome that she gave that to you. Remember her in good ways.
LadyBug
poster:LadyBug
thread:843629
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/843748.html