Posted by sharon7 on January 27, 2009, at 19:49:40
In reply to Re: I wish I hadn't cancelled my appointments )o: » sharon7, posted by wittgensteinz on January 27, 2009, at 19:12:01
> I know this is probably the last thing you might expect but maybe she will be honoured that she holds such meaning for you. I remmeber when I talked about some of my (mostly fatherly) transference for my T he said he felt honoured that I felt that way toward him. It isn't easy to talk about these things - in fact probably one of the hardest things - but getting it out into the open can be a powerful experience. It could well help bring you both closer. It's ok to be scared though.
>Thanks, Witti. Yes, I'm very scared. I've even been thinking about calling it quits with her and cutting my losses. I guess I have to decide if I'm willing to risk her rejecting my request for her to help me work through my problems with maternal transference (that I really want to stop!) and to let her know (somehow) that she's now my maternal figure and I never planned for that to happen. It's probably causing a lot of problem in therapy now because I won't come out with it, then if I think she's aloof or something one day, I have these meltdowns (thankfully, not usually until after I leave! If I start melting while I'm still in her office, I just don't say anything, just cry. I know my reactions are very immature but I can't seem to help it. I don't know what she'd say. She's a very wonderful, kind person so deep down I know she would make me feel okay for whatever I wanted to tell her. She wants me to open up and discuss my feelings (I guess they all probably want that, huh?) I think the biggest problem is that I never learned how to express love and feelings to people because feelings were not something that were ever discussed when I was a child. I just assumed my mother loved me, but she has never said the word (love.) Both my sister and I neither one have any recollection of ever sitting on our Mother's lap, being held, hugged, stuff like that. I'm certain that not having a bond with my mother is why I have the problems I do now. Anyway, I just want to be over that now. I miss my t very much right now, but I would never be able to say that to her. Thanks for your kind words and support. this is a great site. I never thought I'd ever be able to talk about this kind of stuff with anybody! - Sharon
poster:sharon7
thread:876570
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090109/msgs/876635.html