Posted by garnet71 on June 18, 2009, at 11:00:19
In reply to Re: New psychiatrist/analyst can't treat me » garnet71, posted by antigua3 on June 18, 2009, at 10:16:59
Antigua, how nice of you to share with me. Yes, just as you said, he was 'perfect' for me. I know you understand since something similar, though unique, happened to you. It is so painful.
We had a really nice talk this morning. He had this plan for me before I even came in yesterday and told him about the attachment. He said he never once thought I had any psychosis, and the attachment had absolutely nothing to do with his decision. He said how I took to him WAS unusually intense and quick, but that did not change anything since he already made the decision before I told him all that. He said the whole thing is his age. He's 70. He looks a lot younger, so maybe he thinks I think he is younger though I googled him, but the whole situation is he couldn't be there for me for the time I needed in the course of treatment.
The female he referred me to is in training. He said my insurance would never pay for this type of treatment and that she would work with me anyway. it was inferred the rheumatologist md is in training too, from the things told to me. He has some published research on psychology in conjunction w/childhood illness, i guess this is his area of interest now. It takes many years to become a psychoanalysist, much more in addition to becoming a psychiatrist (which is just one reason why I think so many mental health professionals are against it-just me thinking out loud) and I think this doctor is overseeing people who are in the process of becoming analysts. I can see why some people want to keep the practice from dying out; maybe he is one of them.
He said some endearing things to me and also he said he thought I'm extremely intelligent and really have made good for myself despite all the trauma and have good coping skills and basically that he is putting me on a path to reach my full potential, but it will take time and 3-5 times per week. After we spoke, I felt incredibily bonded to him-but not through the transference, but as 2 humnan beings.
He never even asked for my insurance card or info after all this time, and he just called in my scripts and said he will mail the sch. II one to me. Thinking back, when I initially spoke to him, the plan was to find people who could help me-doctors, therapists, whoever would be best for what I needed. I don't know how it got in my mind I was even his patient to begin with. The whole thing was supposed to be more like my consulting him to determine the best course of treatment, to help me.
It's just so strange how this mirrors my real life-becoming attached to my father, who was totally unavailable my whole life, basically abandoned and left to depend upon my mother and it went from there...He is really persuading me to see this woman, and I will call her. he said she is really great and that I should just give her a chance and that it is imperative I tell her everything I've told him; he really emphasized that. Even when I showed up at his office extremely anxious yesterday, the chairs and tables were moved, his demeanor to me totally different, the lights different, everything. And he acted sort of like he didn't care about me all of the sudden, nonchalantly; it seemed odd he only asked me a few questions he had already asked me last week-questions of major milestones in my life as if he forgot. he takes a lot of notes, so it was a little odd. Like childhood - having no security and dealing with being abandonded by father with the dynamics of the house changed when my parents marraige fell apart, the uneasy atmosphere, and all the uncomfortablness when that happend-then being forced to depend on my mother. It is so strange hos this is mirroring my real life, I guess I can accept it better thinking that way.
But I am grieving for him. I never had a father figure, never had grandfathers, never in my life trusted a man like I trusted him. He is a true gem--extremely skilled, professional, dedicated, intelligent, and compassionate. It seems like a once in a lifetime opportunity to be his patient, so its not just the transference attachment that is getting me, its the rational part of the situation too in finding the right psychiatrist and therapist.
poster:garnet71
thread:901600
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/901773.html