Posted by garnet71 on June 17, 2009, at 19:55:30
Today was our third visit, and he didn't do the blank state thing. I told him more of my history, about my attachment to him/the transferrence. At the end of the session, he said I need long-term therapy, several times a week, with someone younger and that he wasn't going to be around much longer. It felt like the wind was knocked out of me when he said this, and I begged him to let me stay with him, and that he was the only doctor I ever trusted before. He said he was just doing what was best for me. That isn't really a reason though. I asked him why he induced an attachment last week, having me regress to the state of a needy 2 year old, only to decide not to treat me. He said I was accusing him of manipulating me as I left his office pissed off. In return I said NO, I did not think you were manipulating me; i thought you were doing your job and were doing it very well.
While that sounds like a rational explanation for not treating me, WTF did he induce a transference neurosis then decide to abandon me? I don't get it. Why not get my history, then decide whether or not he was going to treat me rather than attach me like that. It seemed so cruel the way he did that. This time I did mention some dreams from childhood-the only thing I can think of is that he thinks I have some buried psychosis and will need more time than he thought. And i told him I had intuitive feelings our mother wanted us all to die. My mother said over and over she wished our father dead, and almost let us drown and neglected us while we were being abused. Does that sound like paranoia to have that thought? It was just a feeling and I shared it with him. I also told him I thought my brother had sociopathic tendencies and explained all his crimes, toying with the police, animals, etc. Nothing irrational. If he thought such things, why not be straight up about it and tell me that???
He left me a message 3 hours later saying he wanted to make sure I was ok. I called him back, got his voice mail, and said I was ok (though I had severe anxiety) and asked him to refill my meds since I now have no doctor again. Dumped twice in a row. I said I'd call the doctor he recommended, but that I wanted to ask him a quesiton. Am going to ask him if he thinks I have hidden psychosis or something.
I told him that I gained more insights from spenidng 45 minutes with him than I did in years with other therapists. I told him how attached I felt to him, and how much I trust him. It really hurt.
poster:garnet71
thread:901600
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/901600.html