Posted by pegasus on June 25, 2009, at 20:43:24
In reply to Re: Need help reframing » pegasus, posted by Dinah on June 25, 2009, at 18:02:27
Oh, man, if rules are only rules if they aren't broken, then there are no rules for anything. But I see your point about it being confusing if there were no consequences for breaking the rules in your family. But I also wonder if that's really completely true. Did nothing at all happen to your brother when he didn't live up to the expectations your parents communicated? I mean, maybe they didn't punish him, but did they ever express any disappointment? Or something more subtle, even? Like did they ever mutter sideways about people who don't carry their own weight or whatever? Those are all consequences of broken rules too. My mom used to put on this long suffering act whenever we didn't live up to her expectations. All while she'd say things that seemed supportive and accepting.
Maybe it would be more helpful for you, though, if you thought of these things you're trying to identify as "expectations" instead of "rules". It seems to me that that's the essence of what the exercise must be about. I mean, I think it must be about figuring out what messages your family sent you about life and families. It totally could be messages that you rejected, then or now. Or things that you've internalized so unconsciously that you can't even see them now.
The question about *why* this exercise has been assigned at this point still seems open to me. I wonder if it might be a sort of passive aggressive, petulant response to your saying that therapy wasn't fresh anymore. Or maybe that's my own projection.
Peg
poster:pegasus
thread:902818
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/903209.html