Posted by pegasus on June 24, 2009, at 12:20:10
In reply to Need help reframing, posted by Dinah on June 23, 2009, at 20:07:35
Interesting. I seem to have had a slightly different reaction to your T's homework than others here. Maybe it's significant that I not infrequently find myself reviewing past humiliations and embarrassments. It's an agonizing thing to do, for sure. I've had thoughts, though, when this comes up, that maybe it would be useful to write them all down. I think maybe that impulse comes from a desire to organize my thoughts about these humiliations, which I (maybe magically?) expect would help me tame the accompanying, excruciating emotions. There's a sense that writing them all down would help me feel like I've dealt with them. As if I would have then found a container where they can stay, so they won't keep rearing their ugly little heads.
That said, I can't imagine why it would matter whether you use symbols and drawings versus words. I've always figured I'd use words. It seems more direct. If I used symbols, I'd have to remember what all of the symbols referred to, and there would be so many that it seems unlikely I'd be able to do that. Maybe that's the point? Reducing problematic memories into an oval full of harmless symbols, which you can then easily walk away from? It sort of makes sense to me in that context. But I'd still use words, at least at first. Maybe later I could convert them into symbols, once I'd processed them more directly with words.
But then it's curious that this came up at a time when you're not feeling particularly plagued by excruciating memories of past humiliations. This definitely seems like it warrants further explanation from your T.
As for family rules, maybe it's difficult to identify them because when they're unspoken they tend to be unconscious. And when they're unconscious, it's hard to recognize them, obviously.
Here's some rules from my family, for what it's worth (maybe it'll help you get started):
1. Your status in the family is directly related to how intelligent you are.
2. Girls clean and cook. Boys don't have to.
3. Money is evil, but if you don't have it then you're a failure. (This one still messes me up.)
4. We all follow the rules of the Catholic church. If we don't, we pretend that we do.
5. It's not OK to impose your own personal issues on other people. (For example, I was expected to cook our Thanksgiving turkey, because I'm the girl, even though I'm a vegetarian.)
6. Dad is the nominal/official head of the household, but in practice mom is in charge.
I find that family rules become apparent when you imagine things that you could do that would invoke an emotional or surprised reaction from your family. E.g., if I refused to cook a turkey at Thanksgiving, I'm sure I'd get a lot of flack from my family.
peg
poster:pegasus
thread:902818
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/902940.html