Posted by Dinah on June 24, 2009, at 7:45:36
In reply to Re: Need help reframing » Dinah, posted by Daisym on June 24, 2009, at 0:43:25
> One of the unspoken rules of my family was, "books are the final word. You can learn everything you need to know in a book - so go look it up. don't ask questions." Stuff like that. And of course, other, less benign rules. What would be interesting is to write what comes in your head - not necessarily the exercise answer. If there were no unspoken rules, how did it feel to have everything spoken? Etc.
My therapist suggested that one unspoken rule might be there were no unspoken rules. But I think it just happened. It was no more a rule than it was a rule at our table that we ate like jaguars who had fasted for a week. I suppose also that I don't consider there to be many unspoken rules because whatever I might come up with, I'd have to take into consideration that one or another of my family had broken it regularly with no dire consequences. So how could it be a rule?
Still, maybe you have a point. My family may have been too much at odds with each other, and too volatile and extreme in their reactions, so that it would be difficult to pin down consistent rules.
But if I try to think about it, my mind gets rather fuzzy. Even my subconscious is obstinate and contrary.
> I think by asking for ways to keep therapy fresh, you created this need in your therapist to be creative. And this is his attempt. So perhaps it would be OK to do what you do with things he tosses out in therapy -ignore what is not helpful, like the oval, and do whatever piece of it you feel drawn to. Remember this is suppose to be a tool that is helpful to you and to therapy, not just busy work. I think you can have a discussion about the anger you are feeling - what are you really mad at?
He's said outright that I must do the entire exercise exactly as written. He believes that in order for it to be helpful to me, I must do it exactly as he wishes. Perhaps the object is to trust him completely or something. And I don't. There's no one I trust completely. Not even myself.
>
> All that said, I'm with you on the drawing part. Give me words anyday!I told him that if I didn't draw with my son, I sure wasn't going to draw for him. I just don't draw. I think he was shocked, and it might not be entirely true. I think on occasion I offered comic relief for my son and husband. Both of them enjoy drawing and drew together all the time. My son was very sweet and would always assure me that it wasn't *that* bad.
Maybe my humiliation inventory would include a few art classes or other public shamings regarding my lack of artistic ability.
poster:Dinah
thread:902818
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/902906.html