Posted by Dinah on June 25, 2009, at 18:08:54
In reply to Re: Need help reframing » Dinah, posted by Nadezda on June 24, 2009, at 14:56:48
> Well, one rule might be:
>
> 1. unpredictability and inconsistency are to be expected and relied upon
> 2. It's important for all of us to accept that some of us are just going to say whatever we want--
> 3. As long as someone acts ok, it's okay--in fact, it's better if they don't make you think about what's really going on.--although you, of course, are going to blurt out whatever (and we all know when and to whom this applies)
> 4. There are no understandable rules
> 5. You aren't supposed to know what's going on, but to be confused and doubt your own perceptions
>
> These may not be on target-- but something in that vicinity-- comes across.Yes... Perhaps so. I do know my mother, when I was young, was a different person sometimes than others, and that was scary. Daddy tended to be more cyclical. He could be relied on to be one way part of the year, and another way another part of the year. So he was maybe not so predictable. I really do think there might have been more rules if they'd have worked together.
> About the oval thing-- I'd put one, or at most two things into the oval--if only, as you said, to know more about why you don't want to do it.. Maybe over time, you can make a few ovals. There's no great virtue in doing these exercises exactly as they're formulated-- if you can adapt them to something that is thought-provoking-- great. If not-- maybe an oval with some things that therapists-- or authority figure-- do that make you feel put down, or angry? You can put anything in to an oval, you know.Not according to him... I need to do it exactly the way he said with no deviations. Except now he says we can talk about it and he'll help me figure it out. Which is nice.
> By the way, he has revitalized the therapy, hasn't he? Not in a good way, perhaps. Maybe he was taking a chance here-- with something he thinks you might be prone in the past not to like. I mean- is it possible that he's not insulting you, but thinks that going over things in a different way-- trying some new things, on areas where you haven't fully worked through the feelings-- to say the least-- (and of course-- who ever does?--especially when it comes to things one feels embarrassed or self-conscious about) -- would at least upset the applecart a bit-- and that that might be something you're ready for.
>
> I mean he might be groping for something that would shake things up, in an interesting way-- and maybe this was a lousy idea-- but can you forgive him for not knowing what to do? being clumsy, or making a mistake? Like with the fire drill?I can definitely forgive him for that. I put him on the spot and he did the best he could. I think I might be reminding him of our first meeting though. He was giving a presentation on anxiety, and I was the one saying the emperor had no clothes. :) He swears now he wasn't annoyed, but this might jog his memory.
poster:Dinah
thread:902818
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/903173.html