Posted by garnet71 on July 1, 2009, at 22:51:37
In reply to Re: Suddenly develop Dependent Personality Disorde » Dinah, posted by Dinah on July 1, 2009, at 22:21:26
Well I grew up walking on eggshells; I wasn't usually allowed to talk around my father, let alone ask for anything. Meanwhile, my mother pushed me away in neglect, dealing with her own problems and sorrow and my father's abuse, while directing all her energy to catering to my father trying to make him happy. Our emotional needs weren't met because everything revolved around making father happy. My mother was codependent, still is (noticed with my sister recently), and enabled his alchoholism, abuse, behavior. An example how she rewarded him for going to the bar--she would make 2 dinners every night, macaroni and cheese or hot dogs and beans for us, then a nice dinner for my dad when he came home from the bar at 9 or 10. We weren't allowed to eat food that was designated for 'him'; there were only certain foods designated for us.
Started school at 4, working at 10, etc. Pushed to be self-reliant so she didn't have to deal with us. My father was way too much for her to deal with, and she never wanted to have us. We were always blamed for 'ruining' her life while growing up. She created a role for herself-playing the victim - enabling other's self destructive and abusive behavior then turning around and playing victim. Example - my sister was doing hard drugs for years--so my mother paid her monthly rent and all her bills for 5 years, dwindling her retirement away, but turning around and complaining to the family how her daughter/my sister has ruined her future. When I'd question her, she's say of my sister "she says she's going to pay me back someday". We're talking about over $80,000 here to support my sister's drug habits.
I think it was because her self esteem was so low, she had to make herself into a victim to justify her existence. She has been in denial her whole life. It is really sad, but there's nothing I can do about it anymore. She is still in denial.
Don't know how this rant got started, I guess just trying to remember emotions and how they translate into my underlying thought process and behaviors today, just as I try to understand my Mom's behaviors and how they affect me today.
I don't remember getting rejected specifically, just remember always being in fear and not being allowed to talk around my dad, while mother didn't protect any of us--she was very submissive; I don't remember the emotions from childhood, just little clips, but started to when I felt regression and transference (weird huh?) The only thing I can do right now unitl I get back into therapy is still intellectualize everything, and connect current behaviors with past enviornment, as I just did.
It's interesting you remember asking people for stuff specifically. So boundaries-what if the boundaries are so strict or impossible for the children--while mother had no bounaries in terms of father--how does that translate, or am I looking at that concept incorrectly?
poster:garnet71
thread:903860
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/904362.html