Posted by Larry Hoover on April 9, 2005, at 12:40:27
In reply to Re: Life After Addictions, posted by mynamehere on March 22, 2005, at 22:00:25
> Things that used to feel very easy for me, are now impossible. I don't see how a normal life is possible anymore.
Unreasonable expectations are going to lead to resentment and disappointment.
The central philosophy of recovery is to live one day at a time.
I've always loved hearing this, at meetings.
YESTERDAY.... TODAY and TOMORROW
There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One of these days is YESTERDAY with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. YESTERDAY has passed forever beyond our control.
All the money in the world cannot bring back YESTERDAY. We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said. YESTERDAY is gone.
The other day we should not worry about is TOMORROW with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance. TOMORROW is also beyond our immediate control.
TOMORROW'S sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds - but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in TOMORROW, for it is as yet unborn.
This leaves only one day - TODAY - Any man can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities – YESTERDAY and TOMORROW that we break down.
It is not the experience of TODAY that drives men mad - it is remorse or bitterness for something which happened YESTERDAY and the dread of what TOMORROW may bring.
Let us, therefore, live but one day at a time.
Me again, down here.....The only time that you can affect, the only situation over which you have any input, is in this moment. That is not to say that one cannot plan for tomorrow. Plans are put into effect in the moment, the passage of nows that becomes your history.
Today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday.
If you become able to manage your bipolar, or whatever it is that goes awry under stress, then you can sustain a stable future. The stability, though, must be based on self-awareness. On internal senses of endurance, capability, resiliency, and so on. When you achieve a realistic balance, you will know. You will know what to do, and when to do it. You'll learn to react to stressors, by accomodating them. You don't have to be perfect to be successful. You do have to have a sense of what is possible, and what is not. And you need to be able to communicate with others about those possible things. And the impossible ones. To negotiate the boundary conditions.
What do you mean by "normal"? What expectations come with that word? I'm asking you to remove that word from your thinking, and see what is left with it gone. Quoting you, without that word, you could say, "I don't see how a life is possible anymore." That's exactly it. You have to figure out the possible in your life.
What you said, in introduction, leads me to believe that you have massive potential. What you lack, perhaps, is an internal guidance system. Maybe, you don't know how to say "No". I'm just speculating.....
What do you need, today. To get more peaceful. To get more observant. To get more self-aware. Today. One day at a time.
When it gets tougher, one hour at a time.
When it gets tougher still, one minute at a time.
I have lived one second at a time, and so can you.
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:471016
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20050323/msgs/482012.html