Posted by TamaraJ on June 2, 2005, at 12:27:20
In reply to Hi. ( long rambling), posted by just so sad on June 2, 2005, at 11:44:24
I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling, and are beating yourself up over having drank a number of days in a row. I don't really know what to say. It is not easy, particularly trying to control the drinking. There will always be a reason or a good excuse for having a drink, in spite of the resolve to limit intake and only drink on certain days. You don't seem to want to have to resort to going a group which could provide you with support and encouragement, and I guess you need to ask yourself why that prospect is somewhat distasteful to you. At the risk of being presumptuous, I will just say that I think you are not completely ready to accept that you have a problem, although you have admitted it to yourself. Accepting that fact and the fact that you can't drink like "normal" people, can be very difficult. I was where you are - admitting I had a problem, but unwilling to stop completely. Drinking had been a part of my life, a big part really, since I was 15, so letting go of that security blanket was hard.
I hope you can come to terms with this, and do what is best for you. My thoughts are with you, and I wish you nothing but the best.
Tamara
> Well, not doing so well today - this week actually. Hubby was away last w/end and I drank too much Friday night BY MYSELF which I had pledged to not do; so Saturday I drink just a couple, but still BY MYSELF. Sunday I went over to a neighbours in the afternoon and we drank ourselves silly and I came home at 9 pm - don't really remember much after that (hubby apparently came home - he was in bed when I woke up the next morning!) So Monday - no drinks at all. But Tuesday, went for a beer with a co-worker and then had a couple more at home; and yesterday, well, that was the kicker. Mid-afternoon and I grabbed a bottle of wine (found a good place to hide it in case anyone came into the room) and had a big vodka chaser, and was passed out by 7 pm. It was a dreary day and I had nothing to do for a change, so I figured, what the hell - I've been good, I deserve it. My son approached me this morning and asked if I was okay - he was relieved I was feeling better (I had feigned a tummy ache) because apparently I had been quite nasty. Don't remember. Now I'm left with guilt and self-loathing. I thought I was done with all this cr*p. If I can't get a better handle on this, I'll have to go to the group things. Thanks for listening.
poster:TamaraJ
thread:506889
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20050602/msgs/506905.html