Posted by just so sad on June 7, 2005, at 10:11:19
In reply to Re: Hi. ( long rambling) » just so sad, posted by AuntieMel on June 6, 2005, at 13:57:38
Thanks Auntie Mel. I actually posted yesterday, an update, but it seems to have disappeared. I have been doing worse and worse, and swore to start anew this week. I did not drink yesterday and feel positive about success today. But you are right. I know I have a problem. But I'm scared to commit to eliminating all alcohol from my life. I am hoping I can control it (even knowing that I can't) but to a level that is acceptable to me vis-a-vis health and self-respect...I know that the day will come (probably?) when I have to turn my back on it forever, but I guess I don't want it to be now. I'm scared I guess. Perhaps that I won't succeed? But also, I love it so much. The relaxed, responsibility-quashing feeling only it brings me. It feels selfish, which is the exact opposite of how the balance of my life plays out, you know? Everyone and everything else comes first? Then it's my time and leave me the h*ll alone while I enjoy a drink. I am starting to establish other rituals, but the "all alone with a drink, a good book, and a fav snack" is the ultimate. Thanks for caring. I'll check in again.
poster:just so sad
thread:506889
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20050602/msgs/509025.html