Posted by AMD on November 7, 2006, at 18:59:39
In reply to Re: Life is a terminal illness » AMD, posted by Lindenblüte on November 7, 2006, at 18:37:26
This is a very inspiring post, and you hit the nail on the head in many places. Definitely an overachiever, with very high expectations for myself and my life.
I am actually on AD's already, three: Lamictal, Celexa, and Provigil.
In addition to the alcohol, I've been a chronic user of cocaine (two years now, weekends primarily). Does this make my prospects much worse?
I just want to be able to relax and enjoy my life, concentrate on my work, and not feel depressed and sad every day, like I am now. I feel like trying to do anything ambitious, or anything involving cognitive skills, will actually hurt my brain, pulling me into a deeper abyss.
*sigh*
amd
> AMD,
> you sound like you're a high achiever. I think I am too, but I know that when I was really really depressed, I didn't want anybody to know HOW sick I was. I tried SO hard to hide it, making up all kinds of excuses. I was paranoid that people would figure me out as a "fraud" or a "loser" or a "dumba*s" who didn't even know how to snap out of it.
>
> Depression is not something that you can ignore, hoping that it will get better. It doesn't respond well to alcohol, even though alcohol may be a willing escape in the short run.
>
> The thing is that being a high-achiever may make you even more prone to having depression. You have more responsibilities, more duties, maybe you work more hours and have more stress than people who work under you. The good news is that if you have what it takes to get there, then you have what it takes to fight depression (or whatever your psychological struggle is called).
>
> You have to admit that you have a problem (you've done that, here. That's really brave, and it takes a lot.)
>
> The next step is to get other people involved in helping you. Maybe you're convinced that you're beyond help, but that's really only depression talking. It's never too late. REALLY. you can make it through this.
>
> The point at which I really started to feel the tides turning in my depression was when I could sense myself lapsing into depressive thought. As soon as I learned to recognize it, I could learn to ignore it. I had a greater sense of control over how I could react to certain things, and I realized that the depression was exerting a parasitic influence on my mind. I COULD fight the parasite, and so can you, if you get the right tools.
>
> If you're not already in therapy, you should find someone who can give you strategies and ways to think about your self-esteem that is less biased towards the negative. You may also consider taking meds, which are much safer and healthier for you than drinking/drugging yourself. Since you're already putting things into your body to help ease the pain, you might as well get a professional's advice.
>
> Don't judge yourself so harshly-- you are doing the best that you can, but you need a little more support in real life- therapy and medication can give you the tools to turn this thing around. You're smart enough to do it. You work hard enough to do it. You are worth the fight. Really. You're worth fighting for, even if the Big D (that's what I call my "depressive voice") tells you otherwise.
>
> Your cognition and energy will come back. I found that my cognitive symptoms responded within days to my increase in antidepressant. The first time I started taking AD, it took about 7 days, but at some point, I realized that I was able to read again, when I hadn't been able to read for a month, at least!)
>
> You haven't done anything permanent to your brain. It's a very impressive organ, and it can rebound from many traumas, given enough TLC. Take care of it, and it will serve you well for many many more years.
>
> You are right, the depression might not pass on its own. However, given NO treatment, most depressions do resolve gradually in 4-6 months (My T told me that in the olden days, they used to take people who were in depressive crisis, like me, and lock them in the sanitarium for a few months until they were no longer a danger to themselves.) It may pass, but you don't HAVE to suffer that way. You can get the upper hand. It just takes a few baby steps.
>
> Find some phone numbers, make some calls. I know it's hard. You don't have energy. Your head is probably hurting by now.
>
> You can beat The Big D. I KNOW it.
>
> cheering you on,
> -Li
poster:AMD
thread:691127
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20060727/msgs/701391.html