Posted by ClearSkies on December 10, 2006, at 23:13:37
Little crumbling bits become a landslide.
No relief from meds... right now I can't sleep, and I'm shedding hair worse than my cat in summertime. Stress, stress, not the good kind but the kind that wears you down, a little more every day. I "should" be happy and festive but I become so isolated with those around tipping their glasses with their artificial cheer. Even a special water glass holds no comfort for me. I feel like I'm scrambling for love and listening, and people have their own stuff going on. Self absorbed, I disappear into reading one book after another, writing lists, going for walks, emailing friends when I can. I can't write to family, it only reminds me how far away I live. Yet being in close proximity is so triggering, floods back so many unhappy memories and there is no understanding possible; I have tried that route and been bitterly disappointed.
I know this is depression talking. My T tells me to keep on plugging away, that this time will be just another memory soon enough. I want it to be rosey and cozy, not bleak and anxious and alone. Alone, that is the worst of it.
CS
poster:ClearSkies
thread:712375
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20060727/msgs/712375.html