![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 19 to 43 of 68. Go back in thread:
Posted by gardenergirl on April 9, 2004, at 1:25:06
In reply to Re: Last night I prayed, posted by octopusprime on April 8, 2004, at 20:49:01
Oh kara lynne,
It's so hard to mourn for a loved pet around others who do not share in our love. I'm so sorry. We understand, we truly do. And we do not give up hope.I like Jai's version of a substitute. Nothing will take the place of Alice if that becomes permanently necessary, but there are things you can do that may fill the need.
Please take care. I'm praying for you and for Alice.
gg
Posted by Wildflower on April 9, 2004, at 14:03:56
In reply to Last night I prayed, posted by kara lynne on April 8, 2004, at 0:39:05
Oh Kara, I wish there was something I could do to help. All I can offer are my positive thoughts and wishes that Alice comes home. Losing a pet (temporarily or permanently) is so hard to deal with. Those without pets never seem to understand the endless comfort a pet brings...
Please know that I'm thinking of you and Alice and praying for the best.
Posted by kara lynne on April 9, 2004, at 15:59:54
In reply to Re: Last night I prayed, posted by Wildflower on April 9, 2004, at 14:03:56
Thank you, Jai, Gardenergirl, Wildflower. I deeply appreciate your thoughts and prayers. I keep thinking there is more I should do to find her: Yesterday I called another shelter (in a terrible area far away, but one she might have been taken to). The guy on the phone said it didn't matter if she had a microchip, if she was at all 'skittish' they would put her down after five working days. I flew down there in the middle of work and had to walk into my nightmare: passing cages and cages of animals about to be put to death. One dog in particular haunted me; he was singled out and put in the room with the feral cats. He was a mutt with the sweetest disposition, isolated because he was 'ill', and going to be put down in a few days if he didn't spontaneously get better. I reached my hand in the cage and he licked me and looked up at me with the sweetest face I've ever seen. I started to decompose. The assistant was very nice to me considering what kind of place this was. I don't understand why I was the only one there who found it so torturous. Then I had to go through the list of euthanized pets to see if maybe she was on it. Thank God I couldn't find her. When I first arrived I saw a white cat peacefully sleeping in a cage and I ran up to it, but it wasn't my Alice.
I called a grief counselor last night, someone my friend has talked to in the past and liked very much. She had good things to say, but it felt so canned to me. Like she had a printout that she read to everyone experiencing loss. It was about letting yourself feel the grief, knowing that it is your capacity to love, and loving yourself through the grief. All good things. I will try to see if any of it can sink in.
I miss my Alice so much. I keep thinking I hear her. I keep feeling like in a minute I will get to see her. I keep thinking it's my fault; that if I didn't move here she wouldn't have gone. That I must have been wrong in some way or this wouldn't have happened. I still feel like my life has no purpose without her.
Posted by gardenergirl on April 10, 2004, at 11:24:13
In reply to Re: Last night I prayed, posted by kara lynne on April 9, 2004, at 15:59:54
Posted by fayeroe on April 11, 2004, at 9:46:17
In reply to Re: No word on Alice. » kara lynne, posted by Fallen4myT on April 6, 2004, at 14:06:17
please e.mail me at weezilgirl@hotmail.com
Posted by fayeroe on April 11, 2004, at 21:33:51
In reply to Re: Last night I prayed, posted by kara lynne on April 9, 2004, at 15:59:54
kara lynne: I hurt so much for you. There are excellent animal loss sites on the web. I know how you feel about the shelter. I HATE having to go to one. To me they are the saddest place in the world. If they could all be sanctuaries!!
Don't give up yet........you may still get Alice back. Remember that my daughter's cat, Wombat, was gone three weeks and we got her back! My friend Julie reminded me that her Lucy was gone two months and came home with her front leg hung in her collar....so you never, ever know!!!!
xoxoxoxo Pat
Posted by rainyday on April 13, 2004, at 20:29:52
In reply to My cat is gone., posted by kara lynne on April 3, 2004, at 16:52:39
Nothing can compare to the loss of a kitty. I cry when I think of my very own Psycho Kitty ever departing. My cats Rocky and Bullwinkle (brothers from the same litter) died after 18 years each. My previous kitty Rascal died at 10 years of age (tried to outrun a truck). Their love is so precious: they really do choose YOU instead of the other way around.
Before Rocky & Bullwinkle I had Lois, who had been feral and not really suited to indoor living. She ran away after I moved. I looked for her for 10 weeks or so, posting pictures and calling shelters, breaking my heart each time. I finally gave up and adopted Rocky & Bully.
One year afterwards, Rocky escaped (he pushed out a window screen from the second floor) and disappeared for over a week. Guess who we found while looking for him..
Lois. She was about a quarter mile away. Lived in someones basement in the winter, came for food occasionally in the summer. I brought her home - risen from the supposed dead!!! And within a week the prodigal Rocky reappeared lolling on the front door step. Lois took off again notlong after (who could blame her) but we shared vets fees with the family she had adpoted.
To sum up: Ya never know. Pets are so precious (I have no kids, so my kitties are my babies), but they do live separate lives from us humans!
Wish for the best, but do not wait for it - my advice.
rainyday
Posted by Fallen4MyT on April 14, 2004, at 17:53:21
In reply to for Fallen4myT » Fallen4myT, posted by fayeroe on April 11, 2004, at 9:46:17
Posted by kara lynne on April 14, 2004, at 21:10:41
In reply to Re: My cat is gone., posted by rainyday on April 13, 2004, at 20:29:52
It is two weeks today. This has wrecked me. I called a therapist and asked his fees; he chortled jovially and said, 'They're high, really high'. When he told me it was $160 an hour I started to cry. He said, 'Well, I'm glad we got that dealt with right up front!' I was speechless. He gave me the name of someone else, but she is also pretty high.
I found out yesterday that the phone number on all the fliers we put up was incorrect. It was one digit off and no one, including myself, caught it. It was as if the final ray of hope had vanished. Even if someone had found my Alice, the number on the fliers was an 'invalid pager'. I feel like everything was working against me, including the rain that came right after she disappeared, which couldn't have been worse timing. It rarely rains here, but it did for two nights after she left.
I miss her desperately. She was all I had, my comfort, my company. I honestly don't want to live right now. I won't carry it out myself, but I wouldn't mind if I vanished as well.
Posted by fayeroe on April 15, 2004, at 7:08:17
In reply to thanks rainyday, posted by kara lynne on April 14, 2004, at 21:10:41
kara lynne: what a disappointment for you!Don't quit now! you never know about lost animals. i personally think someone probably took her in. so, i'd put new flyers out with the correct number. i feel so badly for you and wish i could be there and help you look for her. yesterday my oldest daughter was buying groceries and met a guy that she had gone to school with. his parents were with him and his mother told her that she had found the flyer, that we asked the paperboy to put in his papers, for our lost cat "Newman Marcus". THAT WAS 26 YEARS AGO! She is going to give it to Colleen. AND we got him back then because of that flyer.....I had totally forgotten about the "newspaper" trick!! He was gone for over a week. Try that! xoxoxo
Posted by Wildflower on April 20, 2004, at 14:58:59
In reply to Re: thanks rainyday » kara lynne, posted by fayeroe on April 15, 2004, at 7:08:17
Posted by kara lynne on April 22, 2004, at 1:54:06
In reply to Any word yet? (nm), posted by Wildflower on April 20, 2004, at 14:58:59
At least if I knew one way or the other I might have some closure. I would still miss her, but I wouldn't be wondering, wondering, wondering, with this terrible heartbreak.
Thank you for asking Wildflower.
Posted by Wildflower on April 23, 2004, at 9:03:14
In reply to no : (, posted by kara lynne on April 22, 2004, at 1:54:06
I'm sorry to hear that.
Feel free to email me if you need to talk, vent, etc. (I think you still have access to my email address)
Take care.
Posted by fayeroe on May 5, 2004, at 21:51:34
In reply to no : (, posted by kara lynne on April 22, 2004, at 1:54:06
Hi, any word on your kitty? I am keeping you in my thoughts~~~~Pat
Posted by kara lynne on May 6, 2004, at 1:51:46
In reply to Re: no : ( » kara lynne, posted by fayeroe on May 5, 2004, at 21:51:34
Thank you for thinking of me--I must have felt it because I haven't checked this thread for awhile and it turns out there hasn't been another post until your's today!
It's so strange to have her vanish so completely; I don't feel her being dead, but I can't imagine that she is still alive. After a month it feels like she's been gone forever, like I never had her. Tonight I went to dinner at a friends and held her gorgeous, huge white cat, and kissed his fur despite his mild protestations. I miss that so much.
I tried to look at kitties last weekend but it was just too hard. I felt connected to Alice on such a deep level. I held a kitten still feeding from a dropper, and she fell asleep on my chest. I was in heaven, but overwhelmed with sadness at the same time. I would take every one of them home with me if I could, and yet I can't seem to take even one.
Posted by Wildflower on May 6, 2004, at 11:01:14
In reply to Still no : ( (fayeroe), posted by kara lynne on May 6, 2004, at 1:51:46
If you're gut is telling you that she's still alive, then she probably is. Chances are that some cat-lover spotted her and took her home instead to the animal shelter. (I hope that you're still calling the shelters just in case...)
I know how connected you were to Alice but just image Alice's joy to come home one day to you and to a new playmate. There are so many unwanted kittens out there that need good homes...and we all know that you're a great mommy!
(((Kara)))
Posted by Fallen4MyT on May 7, 2004, at 23:52:30
In reply to no : (, posted by kara lynne on April 22, 2004, at 1:54:06
Posted by fayeroe on May 8, 2004, at 8:14:09
In reply to Re: no : ( I AM SORRY :( Let's still hope (nm), posted by Fallen4MyT on May 7, 2004, at 23:52:30
Hang in there..remember my friend's cat who came back after two months? Personally, I think she's been picked up by someone...did she have name tags on???
Posted by kara lynne on May 8, 2004, at 12:20:00
In reply to Re: no : ( I AM SORRY :( Let's still hope, posted by fayeroe on May 8, 2004, at 8:14:09
Yesterday morning The Humane Society called me and said they had a cat fitting my description. It had been found in a nearby city and a woman took it in and took care of it for a month---but she accidentally stepped on its tail (very hard) and it turned around and bit her, so she took it to the Humane Society. The woman said that since it had bit someone it was quarrantined and she could not check the microchip to identify it it was mine. She said it had been exhibiting 'feral' tendencies, which might be because it had been out for a month.
You can imagine how I felt as I flew down there, trying not to get my hopes up but unable not to. Everything matched--someone had kept the cat for a month, and the woman said if the cat were deaf maybe that's why it bit. Alice never scratched but had a tendency bite when her 'boundaries' were overstepped. I had to wait outside the locked facility where they put the quarantined cats that will in all likelihood, be put to sleep. But I could see the cat from the outside and I knew immediately is was not Alice.
Needless to say, heartbroken all over. The attendant came and let me in, and I pet the cat who was clearly male, and he rolled over and purred, and rubbed his head against the cage for more. Two attentendants admonished me for petting him, repeating that he was there because he bit someone. I said he bit because someone stepped on his tail, and I would bite someone too if they stepped on my tail. I said he was obviously a loving kitty, just fine, no problem at all, and they were quiet. He had just gotten lost, took to this woman and didn't like having his tail stepped on. He wasn't Alice though, and I didn't take him home.
I don't understand someone who would take care of a cat and dispose of it once she accidentallly hurt it and it responded naturally. I also don't understand why the woman who called couldn't have told me the cat's eyes were blue (I did ask on the phone) as Alice's are green and it would have saved me a lot of grief. They were all so scared of this 'mean feral' beautiful, sweet, old, lost cat who wasn't mine.
Posted by tabitha on May 8, 2004, at 14:05:33
In reply to No tags, but a microchip., posted by kara lynne on May 8, 2004, at 12:20:00
Kara, you really have a special way with cats. You brought out that male cat's sweet nature in a minute. I've never known a cat to bond with its owner the way you described Alice did with you. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Posted by kara lynne on May 8, 2004, at 16:43:46
In reply to Re: No tags, but a microchip. » kara lynne, posted by tabitha on May 8, 2004, at 14:05:33
You made me cry...more!
Posted by fayeroe on May 19, 2004, at 15:41:59
In reply to thank you (((tabitha))), posted by kara lynne on May 8, 2004, at 16:43:46
A pspychic in Austin told my daughter that our pets return to us in spirit through pets down the line. I believe her because my scottie came back to me in a little "benji" dog. I think you'll see Alice again, perhaps in another kitty that you adopt and I do pray that you'll adopt again. There are so many of them and so few of us!!!!
Posted by kara lynne on May 19, 2004, at 22:34:57
In reply to Re: thank you (((tabitha))) » kara lynne, posted by fayeroe on May 19, 2004, at 15:41:59
I think I may be near that point, but I'm having some conflict--actual nightmares--about it. My friend dragged me to the save a kitten store and all the white ones had just been adopted, of course. I got attached to having a white cat after Alice, but I hope I can get over that. I made the mistake of visiting the two who were left twice, and then I said I'd take them. One is too little (he was a boy until today, when we found out he was a girl) and I want to take them together because they play together. But I keep thinking maybe they're not the 'right' ones...maybe I should have waited for a white one, or is that just my attachment to Alice? I visited them today and the boy-girl is awfully cute, and I hate to wait too much longer for the 'perfect' cat to arrive. I am getting really tired of coming home to an emptly house, and if I had to wait for my mind to stop its infernal chatter I'd most likely be, well--dead. So maybe I'll take these not as spectacular as Alice kittens, and all my conflict along with them. What do you think?
Posted by fayeroe on May 20, 2004, at 9:16:56
In reply to Fayeroe, posted by kara lynne on May 19, 2004, at 22:34:57
i think that you're such good hearted person that you do feel conflicted about "replacing" Alice..i had to wait before i got another dog after tippy died. then fayeroe and i found each other and it has worked out very well. i'd get the kitties together because you'll soon be rolling on the floor laughing at their antics. remember that i have mikee and timmee the dumpster kitties and they have provided so much laughter and love in my heart and home. i heard my granddaughter tell timmee last night "i love you very, very much".
Posted by kara lynne on May 20, 2004, at 17:33:27
In reply to Re: Fayeroe » kara lynne, posted by fayeroe on May 20, 2004, at 9:16:56
<i heard my granddaughter tell timmee last night "i love you very, very much". >
awwwwwwww!
*clutching hands to heart*
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Grief | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.