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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 18:55:16
Something's come up that may necessitate my moving out of driving range of my therapist. Ordinarily it might not have necessitated that, but given the realities of post-Katrina life, it very well might.
I'm really really really upset about it for many reasons, but mainly (to my shame) because of the possibility that it may destroy my therapy.
My therapist said he'd be willing to try phone therapy, but reminded me that he's just not as good on the phone. :(
Anyway, this is nothing that will occur anytime soon. It could be months before I know anything. But it's nothing that I or anyone involved can do anything at all about. Which seems like a good time to ask for prayers, good wishes, good vibrations, or whatever anyone might be able to offer for the next few months.
I don't want to lose my therapist. Even if this time it's not his fault or even his responsibility. :(((
I told him today that I just wanted to hurl myself on the floor and grab hold of his knees and hold on for dear life. He snorted with laughter, and said that although I may not be able to engage in the physical manifestations of my distress, I could talk to him about it with words. Of course, I just couldn't find the words to express my distress. :(((((
I guess I just have to hope that this all turns out the right way.
Posted by sleepygirl on December 8, 2005, at 19:17:30
In reply to I need positive therapy vibes, posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 18:55:16
sorry Dinah, that's crumby :-(
I hope it doesn't come to that.
Posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2005, at 19:36:31
In reply to I need positive therapy vibes, posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 18:55:16
Dinah, I'm so sorry another obstacle seems to be looming. Yet...I'm not terribly worried it will seriously derail you. I know that must sound absurd. But it's just a gut feeling I get about you and your whole situation. No, gut feelings don't come with any guarantees, and you sure need some of those. But maybe take it as some weight on the postive, "things that could fix this problem or go right for a change" side of the "scale," okay?
You know my way is to pray for you, your family and your T. That I have done before and will do again. Absolutely. (((Dinah)))
Posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 20:30:53
In reply to ~~~positive vibes moving thru cyberspace~~~~~~~ » Dinah, posted by sleepygirl on December 8, 2005, at 19:17:30
Me too. I never thought I'd see the day. "Forever Therapy" Dinah talking about throwing in the towel without screaming and pitching a major temper tantrum and refusing to leave. Of course, it's early days yet and I still just might.
Thank you. :)
Posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 20:37:56
In reply to Re: I need positive therapy vibes » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2005, at 19:36:31
Thanks 10der. I really appreciate it. I'm going to try to practice my praying skills as well.
Funny thing was that when this was just a dim possibility, I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I wasn't sure until it became a pretty good possibility. At which point I cried for hours until my meds put me to sleep. Or maybe my tears did.
So now I know. I don't want to move. As much as I complain about this place, I love it. I was born here, and except for two years, I've lived within a few miles of where I live now all my 44 years. I want to grow old here.
Who knew?
Of course, my therapist plays a bigger role than he probably should. I might well feel differently if he moved out of driving distance. And the wretch answered, when I complained that a therapist shouldn't be so important in my life, that some people wouldn't want to move because of a hairdresser. :( Amazing how much I still care about someone who compares our therapeutic relationship to a salon relationship. (Not that I wouldn't be sorry to leave my hairdresser.)
Posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2005, at 22:40:57
In reply to Re: I need positive therapy vibes » 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 20:37:56
I am familiar with the crying yourself to sleep scenario :-( And as gg might say, you surely come by that honestly :-(
I think....your realization about the depth and importance of your roots in New Orleans is very beautiful. I'll bet in a way that's the opposite of how the thoughts have usually gone since the storm - toward getting out because of the devastation and uncertain future - this is something else. Right away I thought it was something like an anger/pride/stubbornness thing, i.e., "Yes, I hate you, Katrina! And the LAST thing you'll do to me is break my spirit or drive me from my home!"
I can't really relate, but I want to. I hope a person even in their 40s can maybe find roots and want to stay in a place forever. My whole adult life was spent in the military (moved 11 times). I just now passed 4 years where I live now, and that's the longest time in one place since 1978. I feel both a wanderlust AND an urge to NEVER leave, all at once. Nuts, isn't it?
But, I digress.
As to your T's comment, of course only you'd know, but I took it in another way. Since he's certainly not playing by Dr. Bob's civility rules (!), I thought the hairdresser thing meant he was kind of putting down those who'd be so shallow as to worry about the loss of a *mere* hairdresser(snort! no female T. would go there...but that's another thing) and saying that you are justifibly distressed about moving away from someone as important as a therapist.
Or am I being too kind to him? ;-)
Posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 23:03:22
In reply to Re: I need positive therapy vibes » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2005, at 22:40:57
> I am familiar with the crying yourself to sleep scenario :-( And as gg might say, you surely come by that honestly :-(
>
> I think....your realization about the depth and importance of your roots in New Orleans is very beautiful. I'll bet in a way that's the opposite of how the thoughts have usually gone since the storm - toward getting out because of the devastation and uncertain future - this is something else. Right away I thought it was something like an anger/pride/stubbornness thing, i.e., "Yes, I hate you, Katrina! And the LAST thing you'll do to me is break my spirit or drive me from my home!"I've been reading to my son a book written by a member of my great grandfather's family that mentions him quite a lot, and my grandfather a bit. He's been interested in seeing his family in a published book, and we've been having lots of history and geography lessons along the way. Our roots here in New Orleans run deep.
>
> I can't really relate, but I want to. I hope a person even in their 40s can maybe find roots and want to stay in a place forever. My whole adult life was spent in the military (moved 11 times). I just now passed 4 years where I live now, and that's the longest time in one place since 1978. I feel both a wanderlust AND an urge to NEVER leave, all at once. Nuts, isn't it?
>
I hope they can, if that's what you hope. :) I guess like any sort of love, it can be heartbreaking as well as satisfying. I'm just so surprised at myself. I'm sooo aware of the shortcomings of the area, that I wasn't aware of all I'd miss until I was faced with the prospect.
> But, I digress.
>
> As to your T's comment, of course only you'd know, but I took it in another way. Since he's certainly not playing by Dr. Bob's civility rules (!), I thought the hairdresser thing meant he was kind of putting down those who'd be so shallow as to worry about the loss of a *mere* hairdresser(snort! no female T. would go there...but that's another thing) and saying that you are justifibly distressed about moving away from someone as important as a therapist.
>
> Or am I being too kind to him? ;-)Well, maybe a bit. :) On the other hand, I like to tell myself that he said it because he felt a bit hurt that I thought it was so ridiculous to base a family decision on *him*.
Posted by orchid on December 9, 2005, at 7:15:00
In reply to I need positive therapy vibes, posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 18:55:16
Oh - that must really feel bad. So many things have changed in your life in the recent past isn't it.
I really admire you for coping up so well with so many changes. I wouldn't have been able to perhaps, if I were you.
I am sorry about the fact that you may not be able to drive to see your T. I know it must feel really very bad. But things happen for a reason. Maybe your time with your T ought to end (for some higher purpose which I don't know), and maybe it is what God wills for you at this time. And for all you know, you might really end up changing for a better Dinah with the new life.
I know it happened to me. I am sure it will happen to you also if you persevere.
> Something's come up that may necessitate my moving out of driving range of my therapist. Ordinarily it might not have necessitated that, but given the realities of post-Katrina life, it very well might.
>
> I'm really really really upset about it for many reasons, but mainly (to my shame) because of the possibility that it may destroy my therapy.
>
> My therapist said he'd be willing to try phone therapy, but reminded me that he's just not as good on the phone. :(
>
> Anyway, this is nothing that will occur anytime soon. It could be months before I know anything. But it's nothing that I or anyone involved can do anything at all about. Which seems like a good time to ask for prayers, good wishes, good vibrations, or whatever anyone might be able to offer for the next few months.
>
> I don't want to lose my therapist. Even if this time it's not his fault or even his responsibility. :(((
>
> I told him today that I just wanted to hurl myself on the floor and grab hold of his knees and hold on for dear life. He snorted with laughter, and said that although I may not be able to engage in the physical manifestations of my distress, I could talk to him about it with words. Of course, I just couldn't find the words to express my distress. :(((((
>
> I guess I just have to hope that this all turns out the right way.
Posted by Dinah on December 9, 2005, at 8:15:48
In reply to Re: I need positive therapy vibes » Dinah, posted by orchid on December 9, 2005, at 7:15:00
It's not just my therapist, although that's what's most prominent on my mind. It would mean any amount of other changes that I just don't want.
I've thought and thought of ways to derail this. Of ways to be sooooo bad that my family would be afraid to move. But honestly, I can't think of anything that would actually work.
So I have to hope that either the good option or the not impossible option comes to pass.
Posted by Tamar on December 9, 2005, at 8:43:27
In reply to I need positive therapy vibes, posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 18:55:16
Sending positive vibes and prayers. I really hope things work out for you.
Tamar
Posted by fairywings on December 9, 2005, at 9:39:17
In reply to I need positive therapy vibes, posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 18:55:16
You've been through a lot, I hope it works out so you don't have to move. Sending vibes.
fw
Posted by one woman cine on December 9, 2005, at 10:13:13
In reply to Re: I need positive therapy vibes » orchid, posted by Dinah on December 9, 2005, at 8:15:48
I am hoping everyhting works out for the best.
It reminds me of a situation I had ( & I don't know if you can relate), when I couldn't see my previous T and the relationship was severed. At that time, I felt like I couldn't, under any circumstances - no way, no how - go on living - or if I did - my life was over. The feeling was so intense and so painful. I was never going into therapy again, that's it, no more I'm done!
It took time to get to where I am now. & while I truly hope if you can work out things with your T; if you can't - I really believe you will go on & find someone else & you will thrive, b/c ultimately that's what it sounds like you've been fighting so hard for. & maybe this is impertinent of me to ask, & I apologize profusely if it is - but I realize I didn't want to end things with my T b/c I would have to grieve, not only for her, but for everything & everyone I ever lost in my life. I was defending against that. I'm just wondering, do think you are doing that a little. Or I may be totally off base.
Posted by daisym on December 9, 2005, at 10:27:18
In reply to I need positive therapy vibes, posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 18:55:16
Yesterday was the Feast of Mary -- a good day to send up prayers especially around family issues. I lite a candle for you.
You've had such a rough year. You deserve for things to settle down. Moving frightens me -- I like the roots I have here.
But whatever happens, you have so much courage and fortitude that I know you'll get through it. You've proven that this past year, haven't you.
Keep the faith.
Posted by happyflower on December 9, 2005, at 11:14:30
In reply to Re: I need positive therapy vibes » Dinah, posted by daisym on December 9, 2005, at 10:27:18
(((((dinah)))) I believe you have had enough sh*t happen to you this year, you deserve a happy ending . Sorry for the language, but I want thing to work out of you so much, you deserve it.
When I look at what you have endured this year, it makes my problems seem so minor, and it helps me keep my life in prespective. It helps me appreciate what I have, because many have so much less than me. It truley humbles me.
Dinah, you are a true inspiration to me.
Posted by Shortelise on December 9, 2005, at 15:49:56
In reply to I need positive therapy vibes, posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 18:55:16
Dinah, I don't know what to say. I just hope that you'll have faith in yourself, in your ability to function, and to be well.
It's so strange that we become attached to these guys. For me, I feel it's almost irrational how attached I am to my T. But I know that if he left tomorrow, I'd be ok. I think you and your T would find a way to keep a connection between you, perhaps not a regular, set your watch by it sort of connection, but maybe one you could count on.
WHat I have been thinking about doing is writing letters to mine in my journal. Saying to him all of the things I feel the need to say - which are not of course about him, but about me, and it is with myself that I need "discuss" really meaning that I need to think about these things.
Dinah, you have so much insight, into yourself and others, that I have complete faith that you would be able to deal with a different relationship, a less frequent relationship, with your T.
All of that said, I do send wishes that you are able to continue to see him. You have had so many losses lately, I truly hope this doesn't unfold as you fear it might.
ShortE
Posted by Dinah on December 9, 2005, at 16:38:07
In reply to Re: I need positive therapy vibes » Dinah, posted by Shortelise on December 9, 2005, at 15:49:56
I won't know for sure for months. :( I think I've decided not to worry about it till then. And then if worse does come to worse, to try to find other alternatives.
And if that doesn't work, to throw myself on the ground and kick and scream.
This has been a year (and a bit more) of unbelievable loss for me. I don't want this loss too. Especially not on my side. I won't even be able to hate my therapist for it!
It just seems beyond beyond belief.
Posted by Dinah on December 9, 2005, at 16:48:17
In reply to Dinah, posted by one woman cine on December 9, 2005, at 10:13:13
I think whenever I lose anyone, it brings up all the other losses I've ever had.
I've been seeing my therapist for well over ten years. He's been the sturdiest leg in my stool of support, so I felt free to lean on him. He was ok with my scheduling extra sessions when I was having a hard time. He got me through postpartum depression, the loss of my father, and all sorts of other rough times. It hasn't been easy to form this relationship. I've invested serious emotional capital in what I call "fighting to relationship" as two very different people sought to form a strong intimate therapeutic connection.
It's been rocky since Hurricane Katrina, as he's seemed to desert me a bit. Which is admittedly not his fault, but it still feels like abandonment.
We were just getting to a new sort of equilibrium, and I was just maybe beginning to think that perhaps I wouldn't necessarily lose him.
And then we get the news, or not quite news, more pre-news, or warning that news will be coming, about my husband's job. :(
I think if I lose him, it will be *him* that I will grieve, even if his loss brings back memories of other losses as well. It's a significant long term relationship in its own right.
I've from time to time gotten adjunct therapy from different therapists, and I've tried seeing two therapists in the time he's been gone lately. I think the one thing I learned from all that is that I don't just need therapy, from any therapist, so much as I need my relationship with him.
Posted by annierose on December 9, 2005, at 18:14:15
In reply to Thanks everyone, posted by Dinah on December 9, 2005, at 16:38:07
Dinah -
I just feel for you. It's loss after loss ... it doesn't seem fair. But from what you are saying, it is still an "if" or "maybe". So it may be best to prepare for it while understanding it may never come to fruition. In other words, try not to worry (although that is way easier said than done).
Keeping you in my thoughts.
Is your son's school going to open in January? Did his therapist ever contact you again?
Posted by Dinah on December 12, 2005, at 18:08:21
In reply to Re: Thanks everyone » Dinah, posted by annierose on December 9, 2005, at 18:14:15
It's hanging over everyone's head in this family, but I think we're all trying not to think about it since it could be two to six months before we hear anything. :(
My son starts back at his school in January. His last day at this school is Friday. And he sees his therapist tomorrow! I filled her in by email with what's going on.
Including something that I probably should post about on the Parents board.
Posted by Dinah on December 13, 2005, at 21:05:38
In reply to Re: Thanks everyone » annierose, posted by Dinah on December 12, 2005, at 18:08:21
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/child/20050817/msgs/588792.html
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