![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 33. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by littleone on January 7, 2006, at 18:27:39
Thought I would share this link in case it's helpful for anyone else out there. It's an article about "Portable Comfort - How to Carry Comfort With You".
http://www.cherylrainfield.com/article_portable_comfort.html
One of the things it mentions is making a comfort book. I've started to make one and I must admit that I feel good every time I just look at it. I don't think I could have made it when I was feeling very unwell, but I can add to it on good days and hopefully it will help on bad days.
I've stuck in a heap of pictures from the cards on this site:
http://www.comfortqueen.com/cards.html
They are just so beautiful. Falls recommended one of the Comfort Queen's books to me and it was very good.
I also want to stick in pictures of beautiful gardens and photos I've taken. And I've written in a heap of things I like to do. I still find I need to plan activities in advance for every weekend or I fall into a black hole.
I must admit that I'm having a little bit of trouble getting started on writing feel good messages about myself in the book, eg things I like about myself, affirmations I believe about myself, etc. Which I guess isn't really surprising. I think once I get going I'll be right, it's just taking that first step. Probably need to be feeling real good to do that :)
Anyway, I hope someone else finds this helpful.
Posted by muffled on January 9, 2006, at 11:20:23
In reply to My Comfort Book, posted by littleone on January 7, 2006, at 18:27:39
thanks for the link. :-)
Posted by littleone on January 9, 2006, at 14:34:57
In reply to My Comfort Book, posted by littleone on January 7, 2006, at 18:27:39
No it's an awful idea. Total waste of time. I wish I was dead. How's a stupid book supposed to help with that.
It's the stupid accident anniversary today. And someone stole my flowers last night. They were even superglued in so no one could steal them. So now I have a bunch of stems with all the stupid flower heads gone. They've been sitting there for 3 years now. Why today?
And I've been screwed around AGAIN just before my stupid T's holidays. This is the third time they've screwed me up just before he's gone away. This time his receptionist left a list of my times for the next few months with him. When he gave it to me I said "this doesn't make sense". He had a look and said "you're right" and he fixed a date typo. And I said "but I have appointments on this date and this date and this date as well". He said "but I don't come back until after then". I don't know if he extended his holidays or if his receptionist stuffed up the dates or something else. But it really doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything. It still means his maybe bearable holiday has been extended to a I can't do this holiday.
Plus there's the whole people don't like me thing. My T has said that I express myself a lot better in writing than in person. So you'd think I'd have half a chance of fitting in on a written forum. But I don't. I'm an invisible nobody.
I hate people. I hate me. I wish I would just disappear out of existance. I'm so tired of living.
Posted by daisym on January 9, 2006, at 14:51:23
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book, posted by littleone on January 9, 2006, at 14:34:57
I just wrote a whole reply about how perfect the timing of your post was because I've been carrying around my therapist's talisman. But in the light of your next post, I'm changing it now.
I feel really bad that your therapist is going away longer than you expected. It does seem that those mundane issues like scheduling are the things that rock the boat the most.
And I can't believe someone stole your flowers. The world is a sad place when someone needs to do something like that. But the sentiment and message you were sending is still intact and understood. Do you want to say more about this anniversary? I know these times are extra special hard.
You are not invisible, at least not to me. I know that posting on a weekend can sometimes result in late replies but I bet a number of people saw your idea and thought it was a great one. I've started gathering things for mine already. We should compare when you are feeling a bit better.
I don't wish you were dead. I hope very soon you don't wish that either. Please check in here soon so I know you are doing OK.
Daisy
Posted by littleone on January 9, 2006, at 15:30:05
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book » littleone, posted by daisym on January 9, 2006, at 14:51:23
> I feel really bad that your therapist is going away longer than you expected. It does seem that those mundane issues like scheduling are the things that rock the boat the most.
I really don't think I can handle his leave this time. I just can't do it. We've tried to talk a bit about what he can do to make it easier, but it's just too hard for me to stick with the discussion for very long. I have his hanky and we talked about him leaving a note with me. But when he wrote one out I didn't like it at all and it just made me pull right back and suck back into my shell. I have a lot of trouble asking for anything or accepting anything from people, so it was a huge risk just to ask him for the letter. To tell him what I need in it is just too much.
I'm pretty sure he doesn't use back up T's while he's away, so I'm pretty sure I should just find another T to see for those few weeks. Just ask them for some short term support. Knowing my luck they'll kick me out when they realise I'll be going back to him afterwards. The whole not seeing 2 T's at a time thing.
I'm supposed to see my T again on Wed and Fri, then he leaves. And I know I *should*. But I also know that I won't have anything written for him. And I'll be so far in my shell I won't utter a word. And a limping along vegetable session is the very last thing I need now.
> And I can't believe someone stole your flowers. The world is a sad place when someone needs to do something like that.Why would someone do that? I can't imagine any girlfriend wanting a flower from an old accident site. Drunken yobbos just vandalising stuff? But it's not like spraypainting someone's fence. They must know that they're hurting someone by doing that. I just don't understand.
I was so upset. I thought about putting some more flowers there and leaving a note saying I cut and I'm s and unstable. Please don't take my flowers. But then I thought that if it's kids or whatever, that's almost an invitation for them to keep doing it over and over. Other kids have never liked me.
> But the sentiment and message you were sending is still intact and understood. Do you want to say more about this anniversary? I know these times are extra special hard.
I can't. I asked my T again why we've never tried to deal with the accident stuff. If he's just planning to leave it long enough til it goes away. I forget his exact words, but he basically said that I've been too unstable and wouldn't be able to handle it. That our first priority is to I guess build up some more ego strength eg liking myself and understanding myself. So even after 2 years of fairly intensive therapy, I'm still to distressed to work on this stuff. That alone was enough to depress me.
> You are not invisible, at least not to me.That's a nice thing to say.
> I know that posting on a weekend can sometimes result in late replies but I bet a number of people saw your idea and thought it was a great one.
No it's not just that. None of my threads get much response. I've never received a single babblemail. After more than a year I still wouldn't have anyone here I would consider a friend. I can disappear for long periods and no one notices. I know some reasons for all those things and I keep telling myself them. But inside all I feel is people don't like me.
> I've started gathering things for mine already. We should compare when you are feeling a bit better.
Are you really doing one? It would be nice to compare.
> I don't wish you were dead. I hope very soon you don't wish that either. Please check in here soon so I know you are doing OK.Don't worry, I won't off myself. I don't have the balls. I just wish I could cease to exist. I really liked it in "The Myth of Sanity" how that person just kind of wished themselves dead so their heart stopped.
Posted by daisym on January 9, 2006, at 16:18:00
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book trigger » daisym, posted by littleone on January 9, 2006, at 15:30:05
Yes -- I'm really doing one. So far I have your post (so I know why and where it came from), the article, the "message" my therapist left me the first time he left (I wrote it down), his picture, but I'm not sure I can leave that in a book, I might have to photocopy it; my good luck pokeymon card, my favorite Cathy cartoon and a bunch of daisy pictures. And pictures of my kids and my cats. And a pair of red shoes (it is a sticker). I found this great card of a mommy penguin hugging the baby penguin, it is really beautiful. And I started collecting my favorite quotes. So -- What do you have that I've forgotten?
I think the best way to get through a vacation is just one day at a time. Plan next Saturday and Sunday. And then on Sunday, think about Monday. It is the only way I could do it. I'd like to help with you with this if you will let me. We could keep in touch just about everyday -- it would help me too, though I can't guarantee which part of me might be responding to your pain. Sometimes the youngest pieces respond and othertimes I can think it through and tell you a joke or two.
Would that be OK?
As far as working through the accident stuff, you have to be strong enough first. I touch on stuff and then run from it for weeks. And I've been doing this almost 2 1/2 years. So don't push too hard and don't get down on yourself for not being able to talk about it yet.
I have to go pick up kids and to therapy. I'll try to check back tonight. Let me know what you think about the "keep in touch" plan. Hopefully by the end of your therapist's vacation we can both have our books done.
Hugs from me,
Daisy
Posted by gardenergirl on January 9, 2006, at 16:31:13
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book trigger » daisym, posted by littleone on January 9, 2006, at 15:30:05
> I have his hanky and we talked about him leaving a note with me.
Hi littleone. Boy, those therapist vacations can be tough. I'm not going to see mine for about two weeks after tomorrow, and even though I'll be busy, I know I'll miss him.
I'm sorry the note was not helpful. I know asking for it was a huge risk and probably terrifying. Was this last time or just now? And can you talk a bit here about what was disappointing in the note?
> I'm pretty sure he doesn't use back up T's while he's away, so I'm pretty sure I should just find another T to see for those few weeks. Just ask them for some short term support. Knowing my luck they'll kick me out when they realise I'll be going back to him afterwards. The whole not seeing 2 T's at a time thing.Can you ask him to refer you to someone and to form an agreement for temporary supportive therapy? I don't think that would be "against the rules". That might also take some burden off of you to find another one.
>
> I'm supposed to see my T again on Wed and Fri, then he leaves. And I know I *should*. But I also know that I won't have anything written for him. And I'll be so far in my shell I won't utter a word. And a limping along vegetable session is the very last thing I need now.That sounds like it would be hard. Can you think of anything at all you can bring in? It sounds like it would be important for keeping your connection to see him this week. Anything at all, sort of like Show and Tell from childhood? Anything that reminds you of different moods, thoughts, or ways of thinking about yourself? How about bringing in your comfort book and maybe the part in your post about how it hasn't worked out the way you hoped?
I'm so sorry about the flowers. How hurful. I agree with Daisy, though, that your sentiments and the thought are intact, even if the physical object no longer is.
I'm sure that dealing with your emotions and the accident, particularly near the anniversary, must be very hard. It must also be a bit confusing that your T does not think it's a good time to work on this important area. I do know from my training that even if there's a really big thing to work on, sometimes it's better to do a great deal of supportive and skills-oriented work first, before opening up something so raw. I know it sounds backwards sometimes. But the last thing any T would want to do is to open up something with someone and make things worse when they are already struggling. I hope that makes sense. I guess I'm saying I can understand your T's position and also why it might seem odd to you. You've still got the feelings and thoughts about the accident, afterall.
I can also understand why that might feel depressing, especically since you've been in therapy for awhile. It's such a process, isn't it? Maybe when your T returns, you can revisit the treatment plan to give you some sense of where you've come from and where you're going. I find that can be helpful to me when I am starting to feel hopeless and frustrated at how long I've been in therapy.
You know, I don't have any explanations for your experience here. I know with this thread, it came at a time when I didn't have a lot of time to read all the threads, and then there was the, er, "excitement" going on on the other boards, so that cut into my reading and responding time, too.I'm glad I got a chance to read today. It's nice to get to know you a little bit better.
(((((littleone))))))
Take care,
gg
Posted by fallsfall on January 9, 2006, at 18:17:30
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book trigger » daisym, posted by littleone on January 9, 2006, at 15:30:05
I think that GG is right - if you ask him for a fill-in therapist, he should give you a name. My therapists leave someone else "on call" for them. If your therapist doesn't do this for his whole practice, maybe he can do it for just you. I used to be in a therapy group, so in essence I had another therapist who knew me. I would schedule regular sessions with her when my therapist was on vacation.
I also try to schedule other kinds of appointments when my therapist is gone. Like I always schedule a pdoc appointment during his vacation. That way I know that SOMEONE will be available to listen to me if I need to talk. I have also made appointments with other professionals during his vacations: I have someone who helps with my finances, or you could get your hair cut, or a massage, or see your lawyer, or have your annual physical with your GP. Anything where the person you are going to see will be expecting to help you with something. Go get your taxes done? It helps me to know that I can count on having someone's attention and help.
And post often. We know how hard it is. How long will he be gone?
And, of course, you can come to Camp Comfort. It is beautiful in the winter. Do you ski, or ice skate? We can build a snowman or make snow angels, too. Or sit by the fire and toast marshmallows.
Posted by littleone on January 10, 2006, at 13:59:52
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book trigger » littleone, posted by daisym on January 9, 2006, at 16:18:00
I'm sorry I was such a mess yesterday morning. I'm feeling a bit better now. The posts from you and gg and falls helped a lot. And I'm sorry I was so upset about Babble. The no one likes me thing is such an old and deep hurt. Very ingrained. It makes it very hard for me to see the truth about a situation. Even now I still believe what I wrote, but at least now I can keep some of the reasons in mind and try to act as if it isn't true.
And I feel so bad for saying that stuff about Babble. I try to never say the no one likes me stuff because then people feel obligated to respond or act as if they do. And having people obligated to like me is another old and deep hurt.
But I am feeling a bit better now. I'm even able to look through my comfort book now. And I must say I was pretty flabbergasted that it *did* comfort me. I really didn't expect it to work.
I feel truly honoured that my post has a place in your comfort book. Is the photo of your T a colour photo? If so, you could probably try getting a colour photocopy at a print shop or even take it to a photo place to get scanned and copied. You'd probably end up with a better quality reproduction which won't cost you very much at all. Your post reminded me that I don't have any pictures of my cat in my book which I will definately have to correct quick smart.
In my comfort book I've written down things I believe when I'm well, but that I don't believe when I'm unwell. eg telling myself to journal, that writing really does help with the feelings, that my T really does care about me, that feelings don't last forever, that cutting off bad feelings cuts off the good ones too, that I should draw if I can't find the words, that you are never bad for feeling a feeling.
I also found some good little snippets of wisdom on the musing archive pages of this site:
http://www.forthelittleonesinside.com/
I didn't read all the articles, I just printed out the little boxes with the snippets.
I put in a list of things to do when I have empty weekends.
I put in a list of things to do for a young part. And everything is written in really bright colours. And I draw some of the nice things in there.
I put in photos from my hikes and bird photos and a decomposed leaf I picked up on a hike.
And I put in lots of photos of my T. Plus I'll scan some of the notes he's given me in the past and put those in too.
Thanks for your ideas re coping while my T is away. I'm very torn over your idea of keeping in touch every day. Part of me loves it and part of me is terrified. Partly terrified of hurting you if I withdraw or do a pseudo runner. I don't think I would be very healthy for you. My withdrawal defences with your abandonment issues. People probably have good reason for not liking me.
I could probably give it a go, but please don't feel like you have to. You can pull back at any time. I'll understand.
And I don't mind which parts of you respond. I think you're a very special person. All of you, not just this part or that part.
Posted by littleone on January 10, 2006, at 14:09:47
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book trigger » littleone, posted by gardenergirl on January 9, 2006, at 16:31:13
Sorry your T is going away too. Pretty lousy timing for you hey? I'm sure there's still vacancies at Camp Comfort if you want to call in.
Re my T's note, he's mentioned it in a few previous sessions and it was just in the most recent one that I was able to ask him for one.
He's going overseas to a yucky country during his leave and I have written to him that I'm scared of the germs there. That they'll get him and kill him or make him real sick. I told him he's not allowed to die/retire/move away/get a terrible disease/etc. So he wrote a little paragraph about how he's taken the necessary precautions to stay safe and well and will definately be back to see me on such and such a date.
And he could tell I didn't like it one little bit and was trying to find out from me what was wrong with it or what I did want and I just couldn't tell him anything. I didn't know and couldn't think and wanted to hide.
I think I need a long letter (a page or two) because I'll wear out a paragraph way too quickly. And I think it needs to be about how he cares about me or what he wants for me or things he still wants to talk about with me. So it feels like he does care and does want to come back to work with me. I get so lonely and feel totally alone when he's gone. I need the letter to help me feel less alone.
And yes, I know I should give him this post (as well as the others). But ugh ugh ugh. Even my comfort book says "Write to T. He needs to know". At least it wouldn't be a limping along vegetable session.
And I will talk to him about seeing another T while he's gone. But I don't think he's gonna like it. If I get to know another T now it makes it easier to do a runner down the track. Plus I think he's trying to make it so I'm not left feeling abandoned when he goes. To try and counter beliefs around that. Whereas if I see another T to fix up those feelings, I don't think that does anything towards undoing the abandonment beliefs. It just makes me feel better.
Thanks for your comments re dealing with the accident. I do understand all that in a way. But part of me still just wants to bite the bullet and get it over with.
If there's something I really need to do, I can just cut everything off inside to get it done no matter what. And it's that part that just wants to get the accident stuff done and dusted. It just can't comprehend that you can't cut off to do the accident stuff. That it only gets done from doing it without cutting off.
Thank you for caring gg. It meant a lot to me.
Posted by littleone on January 10, 2006, at 14:15:20
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book trigger » littleone, posted by fallsfall on January 9, 2006, at 18:17:30
Thanks for your reply. I had briefly thought of getting a couple of massages while he was away, but kind of beat myself up for such a dumb idea. Except it doesn't sound dumb at all the way you put it. I really need to listen to myself more.
My T will be gone for 3 and a half weeks I think. I'm not sure because I haven't been game to look at that appointment list from the receptionist again.
I try to post, but it's hard for me. I'm more a hide in my shell type. I'll get into a little bit of a roll with posting, but always end up pulling back. And it's not just my T I run from. I run from Babble as well.
Re Camp Comfort, I've never been in or even seen snow. I've seen it on TV, but I just can't feel myself somewhere like that. I just can't comprehend what it would be like.
Maybe I could just stay inside at Camp Comfort in some sort of garden conservatory. Like a bubble protecting me from the world. With a big neverending revolving bookcase so I could have at my fingertips any book I could ever wish for. That would be nice.
Posted by daisym on January 10, 2006, at 15:04:31
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book » daisym, posted by littleone on January 10, 2006, at 13:59:52
As usual, in my haste to comfort I neglected to ask, "how would YOU like to be comforted." Sigh. I have the right answers but I don't always put them to the right questions. :)
If you need to do a turtle and pull in, go right ahead. I'll still be around. If I need to stay in bed all day, I'll let you know that too. The lovely thing about Babble is the ability to sign off and then back on again.
I'm glad you are feeling a bit better today. I was putting things in my book last night and now my son wants to make one. It is going to be hard for me not to control this because so far in his box he has pictures of the Simpons, a Halo emblem, the words to Free Bird, and pictures of his brothers, his friends and his cats. I'm tempted to say "what about me?" but I kept my mouth shut. OH -- the cutest thing, he put the wrapping to a tea bag, because that is what he drinks when he feels bad. He was also going to go through his football cards.
Thanks for the scanning idea. I didn't think of that. I have one so it will be easy to do.
Never feel bad about being honest. You were very civil about it. I doubt Babblers won't be understanding, we are a forgiving group!
Take good care,
Daisy
Posted by fallsfall on January 10, 2006, at 19:42:49
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book » fallsfall, posted by littleone on January 10, 2006, at 14:15:20
The beauty of Camp Comfort is that you can do whatever you want.
I'm studying to be a librarian. Wouldn't it be a perfect job to be the librarian at Camp Comfort??
Definately go for the massages!
Posted by gardenergirl on January 10, 2006, at 23:02:45
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book » fallsfall, posted by littleone on January 10, 2006, at 14:15:20
> Thanks for your reply. I had briefly thought of getting a couple of massages while he was away, but kind of beat myself up for such a dumb idea.
Ooh, not a dumb idea. I'm getting one tomorrow. It's a great thing to do for your body and mind if you enjoy them. I've noticed that when I get them regularly (bless my husband!), I am less stressed. Hmm, maybe that's why he doesn't complain about the cost. He gets a benefit too!
> I try to post, but it's hard for me. I'm more a hide in my shell type. I'll get into a little bit of a roll with posting, but always end up pulling back. And it's not just my T I run from. I run from Babble as well.I do this at times, too. I still read, but sometimes I just don't feel I can post, and I don't quite know why. I think it's okay though. And I bet there are others who feel this way, too.
>
>
> Maybe I could just stay inside at Camp Comfort in some sort of garden conservatory. Like a bubble protecting me from the world. With a big neverending revolving bookcase so I could have at my fingertips any book I could ever wish for. That would be nice.Oooh, sounds nice. Of course I would like a garden, lol.
But lately, I've been thinking of Camp Comfort Tropics. Sort of like Jimmy Buffett's "One Particular Harbor"
ONE PARTICULAR HARBOUR
Jimmy Buffett & Bobby HolcombIA ORA TE NATURA
E MEA AROFA TEIE AO NEI
IA ORA TE NATURA
E MEA AROFA TEIE AO NEINature lives (life to nature)
Have pity for the Earth
(Love the Earth)I know I don't get there often enough
But God knows I surely try
It's a magic kind of medicine
That no doctor could prescribeI used to rule my world from a pay phone
And ships out on the sea
But now times are rough
And I got too much stuff
Can't explain the likes of meChorus:
But there's this one particular harbour
So far but yet so near
Where I see the days as they fade away
And finally disappearBut now I think about the good times
Down in the Caribbean sunshine
In my younger days I was so bad
Laughin' about all the fun we hadI've seen enough to feel the world spin
Mixin' different oceans meetin' cousins
Listen to the drummers and the night sounds
Listen to the singers make the world go 'roundIA ORA TE NATURA
E MEA AROFA TEIE AO NEI
IA ORA TE NATURA
E MEA AROFA TEIE AO NEILakes below the mountains
Flow into the sea
Like oils applied to canvas
They permeate through meAnd there's that one particular harbour
Sheltered from the wind
Where the children play on the shore each day
And all are safe withinMost mysterious calling harbour
So far but yet so near
I can see the day when my hair's full gray
And I finally disappearIA ORA TE NATURA
E MEA AROFA TEIE AO NEI
IA ORA TE NATURA
E MEA AROFA TEIE AO NEIUA PAU TE MAITAI NO TE FENUA
RE ZAI NOA RA TE ORA O TE MITIEBounty of the land is exhausted
But there's still abundance on the seaWish I could visit that harbor sometime. Wouldn't it make a great alternative site for Camp Comfort? I especially like the part "where the children play on the shore each day and all are safe within."
gg
Posted by daisym on January 10, 2006, at 23:06:46
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book, posted by gardenergirl on January 10, 2006, at 23:02:45
My favorite is still "Cheeseburger in Paradise."
Wonder what that says about me? And should I tell my therapist?
Posted by gardenergirl on January 10, 2006, at 23:11:15
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book » gardenergirl, posted by littleone on January 10, 2006, at 14:09:47
> Sorry your T is going away too. Pretty lousy timing for you hey?
Actually, I'm going away. Sigh. It's my own fault. But thanks.
>
>>
> I think I need a long letter (a page or two) because I'll wear out a paragraph way too quickly. And I think it needs to be about how he cares about me or what he wants for me or things he still wants to talk about with me. So it feels like he does care and does want to come back to work with me. I get so lonely and feel totally alone when he's gone. I need the letter to help me feel less alone.I can see why his note wasn't what you wanted and also how it would be hard to ask him for what you do want. It sounds like you want him to validate your therapy relationship in order to hold that feeling close to you while he's gone. It may be that you will need to write this type of info down for yourself to keep it close. It's still about your relationship, whoever writes it. But I know. It would be so sweet and special to come from him. I treasure those tiny and rare moments when I really feel he cares and he somehow shows it.
>
> And yes, I know I should give him this post > And I will talk to him about seeing another T while he's gone. But I don't think he's gonna like it. If I get to know another T now it makes it easier to do a runner down the track. Plus I think he's trying to make it so I'm not left feeling abandoned when he goes. To try and counter beliefs around that.Ah, a therapeutic opportunity. Why are those usually so painful? Ugh. I know you'll do what's best for you however it turns out.
>But part of me still just wants to bite the bullet and get it over with.
I think that's only natural. Hopefully this will come around in therapy for you soon and you can find some relief.
>
Glad you are finding comfort with your comfort book. I'll have to check out those links. Thanks for posting them.((((littleone))))
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on January 10, 2006, at 23:35:43
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book » gardenergirl, posted by daisym on January 10, 2006, at 23:06:46
> My favorite is still "Cheeseburger in Paradise."
>
> Wonder what that says about me? And should I tell my therapist?Hey, I like mine with lettuce and tomato, too!
gg
Posted by littleone on January 11, 2006, at 14:59:08
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book » littleone, posted by daisym on January 10, 2006, at 15:04:31
> As usual, in my haste to comfort I neglected to ask, "how would YOU like to be comforted." Sigh. I have the right answers but I don't always put them to the right questions. :)
No, you did just right. In fact it's probably better you *didn't* ask me what I needed because never in a million years would I have suggested some regular contact. And you didn't steamroll me with it. Just offered it and gave me a choice. I think you did just right.
> I was putting things in my book last night and now my son wants to make one. It is going to be hard for me not to control this because so far in his box he has pictures of the Simpons, a Halo emblem, the words to Free Bird, and pictures of his brothers, his friends and his cats.
This is so sweet, it really brought a smile to my face. A little kid's secret stash of special stuff. It's funny how what's important to us changes as we get older. I kind of have a feeling that I used to have a secret stash of stuff when I was younger, but I really can't remember. It's sad how I'm missing so much of my childhood. I wonder if it ever comes back.
> I'm tempted to say "what about me?" but I kept my mouth shut.
Maybe he doesn't need you in there because you're always there for him. He knows you'll be close by if he needs you. Or you have such a strong attachment to him, he doesn't need reminders of you. You're safely stored in him (I guess I'm trying to say he has good object constancy with you, you stay with him inside all the time).
> OH -- the cutest thing, he put the wrapping to a tea bag, because that is what he drinks when he feels bad.
Oh, I loved this. It is cute and he is so clever to think of that. And it would be sweet to see a kid drinking tea. It's such a grown up thing.
Posted by littleone on January 11, 2006, at 20:21:12
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book, posted by gardenergirl on January 10, 2006, at 23:02:45
> Oooh, sounds nice. Of course I would like a garden, lol.
:) That's why I suggested it. I wanted a nice garden sanctuary in the middle of the snowy Camp Comfort.
> Wish I could visit that harbor sometime. Wouldn't it make a great alternative site for Camp Comfort? I especially like the part "where the children play on the shore each day and all are safe within."That does sound really nice. Do you mean a harbour with a beach and rock pools? I'm not sure if your harbours are different to ours or not. I love exploring the rock pools.
Posted by littleone on January 11, 2006, at 20:42:04
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book » littleone, posted by gardenergirl on January 10, 2006, at 23:11:15
Well we had a bit of a silent session yesterday, but that wasn't really a bad thing. I took in this thread to him which took ages to read through and after telling me how well I'd done, he said that we better fix up this letter.
So then he started to write. And write. And write.
When I said a page or two would be better, I was thinking about his normal type of page. He writes really spaced out and only fits maybe 4 sentences on a page.
Instead he wrote out 4 completely full pages, ie how a normal person writes. Which really blew me away.
So it took ages to write. Then he had me read it and that took ages. And then we just had a couple of minutes at the end to talk.
But that was okay because he did up the best letter ever. Better than what I could have even thought up for myself. I've been dying to re-read it over and over but I can't because I gave it back to him so I don't wear it out before he goes.
It was *so* good. It had everything I'd mentioned in my post and so much more. It left me feeling like I could handle his holiday. And not just handle it, but look forward to the challenge of getting through it (okay only one part thinks that, the others are still dreading it, but are probably more hopeful of getting through it).
I was even confident enough to cancel the appointments I made with the other T. And yes, I was right with my reasons as to why he wouldn't like the idea of seeing someone else.
There was heaps more good stuff in it, but I just feel like hugging it to myself and treasuring it.
Can you tell I liked the new note? :)
Posted by daisym on January 11, 2006, at 21:00:41
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book, posted by littleone on January 11, 2006, at 20:42:04
:) :) :) :) :) :) :)
I'm SO GLAD!!!
I can feel your smile all the way out here. I guess the silence was worth it. I'm sure it is something you will treasure always.
I like that you can think of it as a "challenge." It will be but now you have even more tools to get through it. I bet he is glad to know that you have what you need, except him, of course.
Did you show him your comfort book?
Posted by Dinah on January 12, 2006, at 12:25:28
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book, posted by littleone on January 11, 2006, at 20:42:04
Posted by daisym on January 14, 2006, at 19:29:51
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book, posted by littleone on January 11, 2006, at 20:42:04
Just checking in to see how you are holding up. I know yesterday was your last session -- was it hard? I'm around if you want to talk about it.
Hugs,
Daisy
Posted by littleone on January 17, 2006, at 15:16:50
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book » littleone, posted by daisym on January 14, 2006, at 19:29:51
Yesterday was a day I normally have a session. I got a massage that was okay, but it didn't really get my knots out. Afterwards I just felt incredibly sad. I had been pretty cut off before the massage, not feeling much. I don't know if that sadness is better than feeling nothing or not.
It always feels like an eternity between sessions, and I still have 5 more missed sessions to go. And I'm running out of things on my things to do list.
I feel sad down to my bones.
How are you doing? I've been thinking of you. Here's a daisy for you. *-> On its side. Okay, that was incredibly lame.
Posted by daisym on January 19, 2006, at 0:57:22
In reply to Re: My Comfort Book » daisym, posted by littleone on January 17, 2006, at 15:16:50
It wasn't lame. It made me smile. :) Nobody ever gives me flowers!
I'm buried at work and yet can't concentrate. I've been struggling with lots of old stuff; I posted below.
I was thinking about you today and wondered how you were. I think getting a massage is so brave. It sounds good but I think I'd go off the deep end having someone touch me. I wish I knew how to practice being touched in a safe, nonsexual way but you can't exactly go up to someone and say, "hey, touch me please!" now can you?
I added a page of daisies to my comfort book today. They are stickers but fuzzy and fun. I'm gonna have to call it my comfort dictionary soon.
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