Posted by NikkiT on May 20, 2000, at 5:51:28
How do I stop "those" bad thoughts.. As I explained to Tina yesterday, I had a bad day last yesterday, and this culminated in me laying in bed from 10pm, working how how and when I could "do it"... I simply have this over whelming feeling right now that I can't be bothered with another 70 years or whatever of this.. I'm fed up of explaining, of feeling guilt of feeling like this, of everything. If only I could forget my family exist it would all be so much easier, but my family know nothing of how I'm feeling, and would it shock them just TOO much. And I alos know there is no way they would understand my depression / medication - my mum (whi is a very strong woman) is a "oh pull yaself together" kind of person. I want to be away from my apartment cos I'm fed up of the mess, and the guilt of the mess. I want to be ignored by my friends as I feel I HAVE to see them, when I simply can't face going out.
I nedd some answers, but I know there aren't any - other than hwats the easiest way out of all this. I ahve a good week, and when I'm good now, I know at the back of my mind, the next crash will be even lower. I WANT SOMETHING THE MAKE ME FEEL SOMETHING OTHER THAN THIS C**P.
I've babbled... Sorry, but I can't explain this in any other way than typing it into cyber space.
poster:NikkiT
thread:34103
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000517/msgs/34103.html